He saved me in his phone as Easy Jen. Should I be offended?
I wouldn't worry about it. He has me as "Sex Puppet."
are you going to last longer than 15 seconds
nope
You need to come get me. I'm pretty sure that gravity's going to crush my brain
Well we didn't hook up. Maybe from his girlfriend's point of view, but not mine.
I just ditched my friends to hang out with the chilis restaurant crew...one of these girls better have daddy issues
He's almost as awesome as vicodin.
Can i tell him you said that? Cuz i know that means a lot coming from you
Well sorry I accidentally spooned your mom and possibly threw up on you
She sent pictures and the names of her 2 cats and her dog and told me that I should be happy to have met the whole family.
You must be good in bed dude
Called my ex last night, told her I wanted to bang like we use too, her fiance was in the car, I was on speaker phone. NO MORE TEQUILA!
Did she say Ok?
Was so drunk I had to masturbate face up cuz I thought I was gonna be suffocated by the pillows.
like are we talking 'quick beer' bad or 'break out the real vodka' bad
Woke up and took my pants off only to realize that I was wearing my shirt from last night as my underwear
I gotta stop fucking the bouncers. We are running out of bars to go to.
I had just gotten to his place and was about to get some dick. No way was I gonna let her negative attitude affect my orgasm feng shui
Plus my parents would be pissed if I spent Thanksgiving in jail... again.
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