my boyfriend just said he'd go down on me if I gave him my password to facebook
The hookah bar is playing i'm on a boat. I believe in god again.
in mid cry she says "I can be a whore if I want to"
You were making dinosaur noises while jerking me off..
im seconds away from chugging that vodka and preforming the surgery on myself.
I just beer bonged. Soco and spite please get on my levvl my hair is in buns
I want to celebrate with you...
There's nothing I'd like more than a celebratory "The guy I'm doing just found out he's not a baby daddy" dinner.
I had to show the prof your text saying that I could pick up your midterm for you. I covered the part of the screen saying you weren't there because you were about to have morning choke sex.
I just don't fit in here. The other wives are ten years older and have kids!
Well, you chose trophy wife of a 35 year old over college. Sit in your suburban soup and stew.
Is there like a dick file on me? Guys can't hold two dicks anymore?! Who are you people????
I have commenced my lesbian college experimentation. Wish me luck
I bought more beer than I could carry and managed to fit it all in the fridge. It's an alcoholicmas miracle.
So apparently being drunk at work isn't allowed.. who knew?
Well shit I mean if you get a bunch of cashed up drunk lesbians together in a casino, it's bound to go south at some point
I am in the parking lot of CVS in Auburn. I think a truck full of Plan B and regret just arrived.
Randomize
