I wish I could be a nicer person. Or a more sober one.
I swear if I see one more guy in a v-neck and fedora I'm going to punch someone in the balls. This is philly, you're not supposed to look like Ryan Cabrera
This unplanned pregnancy thing is really taking all the fun out of football season.
He's paying me $45 to clean his room and $55 if i find the oxy that he lost.
was this before of after we tobbganned into that tree?
I was crying hysterically and you wouldn't stop petting my ear and shushing me every time I tried to say something.
My biggest accomplishment thus far this summer is having sex 5 weeks after hip surgery.
Relaxed was like phase 1 of this phase 7 high
He's writing a strongly worded email to Trojan right now
I TOLD YOU THE BARESKIN CONDOMS WEREN'T AS RELIABLE.
If I spent my amateur stripper money does that mean I am cleansed of my sins?
Apparently we don't communicate very well unless we're drunk and/or naked
Did I leave the house with out a shirt or socks?
Yea, you said you didn't need them cause she was going to take them off anyways and that it would "save time".
he yelled at me like a drill sergeant while I quickly tried to take off my pants
Like I’ve seen him completely trashed and I’ve also seen him rip shirtsleeves off with his teeth and I can’t tell if I’m intrigued or not
Dude we were sitting at my place stoned as fuk then someone knocks on the door and it was my neighbor giving me a huge box of cookie dough. Magic of weed.
Randomize
