We all know the best way to start a relationship is greeting while at least one of you are intoxicated, dual facebook stalking, and a two week long game of 20 questions via texts to 'really' get to know each other. In that order.
I wouldn't have it any other way. It's like a fairy tale!
I hope you had to get up out of bed and walk across your room to check this text message
It was like the Ritz Carlton of jails. I got introduced to our criminal system the right way.
It's called penis withdraw. Or alcoholism. I get them confused these days.
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I'm beginning to think I'm sterile because I definitely should be pregnant by now.
it's pretty bad when you go in bed bath and beyond and recognize 6 different bed spreads you've had sex on
he kept telling me that god made these magical balloons called condoms
just went to my meeting with last nights make up still on, not wearing a bra, and the 14 shot tallies still on my wrist.. My advisor's questions should be answered as to why I'm not in my major yet.
Just write off about 10000+ brain cells and 6 months of your lifespan.
Sounds like a normal friday night
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I was stumbling so much, men walking behind us were shouting "don't hit the pole! don't hit the pole!" whenever I was near a telephone pole.
It's been over a year since we've been get-so-drunk-you-throw-beer-cans-at-fat-girls-drunk together. That needs to change.
Got head last night. Had the 3D glasses on the whole time.
Just visited the liquor store.... for the 4th time today. shits gonna get weird
I don't believe in coincidence. I believe in the stars aligning perfectly to sodomise me in public. Who ever said I was cynical?
I sit across from him at graduation so I get to stare at him and think about how I fucked his step brother and laugh to myself
Randomize