thank you for a lively/lovely evening :)
should have blown me.
Don't really want to talk about it. You were right. She had a whole jar of toenail clippings on her nightstand that she chews on "when her fingernails are too short." Direct quote.
look, i may have sacrified a 20% assignment for a sprite. this is what hangovers do to me.
You said you were collecting Asians for your Kate Gosselin costume.
Caught in the act of lying. Lipstick literally all over his dick. He tried to make some story about darkwing duck or some shit but failed to realize he is a complete moron.
I just made the answer to all my security questions "fuck you" with various levels of ! marks. I may regret this in the morning.
At one point he was so drunk he was carrying around a bottle of patron drinking out of it and falling everywhere and every time he spilled it he would scream "THERE GOES TWENTY DOLLARS."
if any part of your body has ever entered my vagina you are fucking obligated to speak to me if i so desire
One day, tell me please to stop buying shots when I'm overwhelmed. I might have just broken a tooth
I'll have to text you later. Trying to have civilized conversations with the boyfriends parents when I'm 100% aware I just blew their son in the bathroom 5 mins ago. Stay tuned.
Let's just say it was like a porno version of Aladdin....
The amount of drunk I'm going to get tonight will be somewhere between Jim lahey and bojack horseman
Nothing more awkward that being butt ass naked in a guys bed and his ex wife shows up with his kid....
I just met a drunk old lady with a bedazzled life alert alarm around her neck. I love casinos
No offense, but I don’t think I would want to see him in anything skimpier than a hazmat suit.
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