My wife all of the sudden got markedly better at giving blow jobs. Should I be happy or concerned?
oh vodka. i could write you a sonnet.
He violated my cat. I was not impressed.
Oh well shit happens. This is my not worried face. This is also my still decently drunk face.
Tonight just feels like one of those I'm going to lose a shoe nights.
You turned byob into bring your own shit show. Good work.
Well girls crying gets you hard so you're not really a good standard to me
your cat followed me a mile away from your house. if it doesn't come back, i'm sorry, but I needed to get laid tonight.
He needs a high five right to the fucking mouth. With a chair. Or an atomic bomb.
He kept sending me videos of his dogs while I was trying to masturbate. At what point does getting vagina-block apply?
Why is "Oprah of drinks" written on my arms?
You said to write it on you, after you kept saying, "You get a drink, you get a drink, everyone gets a drink."
Strip Simon Says: DO IT
YOU HAVE TO STOP TELLING BARTENDERS WE DON'T HAVE MORAL STANDARDS
My boobs look fucktastic, I have a booty call on Sunday and a dick photo on my phone. Life is grand!
I call bullshit
Call it what ever you want I just need to figure out how to get permanent marker off my cock
Randomize
