He was so confused why there was a string hanging out of my vagina.
I just love slightly exposed cleavage. Not too much to be whory but just enough to say "your kids will never go hungry"
i threw up on the blunt... he was pissed.
he told me he wanted to get "words" tattooed on his penis so he could say hes always putting words in my mouth..
I knew the cheap date at Taco Bell would backfire because it makes even the most pre-cautious girls involuntary fart in public
It took him longer to remove his skinny jeans than it did for him to finish. I didn't even have time to realize it sucked until it was already over.
she peed on how many people?
$5 long island pitchers = roommate pissing on his laptop at 3am.
He stole the megaphone off an ATM then we drove around so he could tell people not to jaywalk.
She swung at the pinata with crutches
Some random walked into our tent, woke her up and said "Harry Potter must not go back to Hogwarts!"
I'd say I'd distract him, but I lose my psychic powers when guys get girlfriends. And by psychic powers I mean taking off my top.
I've replaced you with thin mints and masturbation
This wouldn't be the first time my boss has seen me topless
Somehow reaching for the flaming hot cheetos ended up in the best sex of my life
Randomize
