I just saw a Kleenex commercial and thought about last night. I'm sorry about your hair.
My lack of memory is directly related to being friends with you.
Long labias. Talking about. Too drunk to explain. Tomorrow.
I just opened a bottle of wine with a shoe and a tube of mascara. Get on my level
and I believe it was when I was running to class to take a test still drunk in my Halloween costume that I realized I have reached that point in the semester where I just don't give a flying fuck anymore.
He needs to respect me before he can fuck me with cat ears on.
I am tired of banking on my penis size to overcome my lack of game.
we need to invent and abuse teleportation
I also slapped not one but two bananas on the ass, twerked in public, and I think I made out with someone
You wanna see what happens when frozen corn meets an unhappy Andrew's face?
I’m literally watching say yes to the dress, eating fancy cheeses with crackers, and I have orange dark chocolates. All of which is being washed down with merlot. And I’m 100% sure a porno is gonna go down next door tonight. They don’t have a car and arrived via taxi. Happy holidays from motel 6 Pendleton Oregon!
Imma make him fuck me with my jersey on tonight while I chant Go Jets Go. Gotta love playoff hockey szn.
she just sent our roommates a message asking them for a parakeet. are you gonna call later?
Taking a walk while tripping face during Halloween time was a bad idea. I started crying bc I was so scared and hide in the parks playground.
I’m good. I learned that a guy ate the mushrooms that were growing out of his toilet, so there’s that.
Randomize
