I don't think I can get bothered with getting laid tonight
you kept lying down on the floor at the bar just to prove you could get back up
I hid my booze in my old Sesame Street lunch box. Big Bird might be disappointed, but I feel Oscar the Grouch would approve.
When he went down on me, I saw his bald spot... It completely ruined the experience
It'll be like a meth lab. But with jello.
Tim john just told us the story about him losing his virginity at 14 during church on the emergency exit staircase. This is day drinking?
Update. He just picked me up and tried to demonstrate
Your texting shows a blood alcohol level of .12
Hold on I'm doing something revolutionary that blossomed from a high idea
I took a hang over nap infront of the door to my 9am class
Although I feel like awkward kinda describes your entire sexual history...
started my period, we have to try again next week
if we have anymore sex before that my dick is gonna fall off. that is in no way a complaint
so I was eating out this girl who was wearing my pirate hat In an alley behind the bar last night and some girl walks up and takes a picture. apparently we had a crowd of about 10 and it turned her on so she just didn't tell me
I successfully navigated a full, lengthy interaction with my dad in which he never asked me if I was freshly baked. 10 points.
Oh I fucked him, definitely. We played Strip Halo.
Maid of honor screwed up the joke so I just got to explain what a strap on is and why a married lady might want one to Grandma and my brother's wedding shower.
Randomize
