Do I have a sign around my neck that says "SWM desperately seeking ultra-plus-size woman that likes everything I do"? I swear they're organized
No, but you do have a sign around your neck that says "Free cupcakes."
i don't care who i fucked last night, until im at 43plus im not considering myself slutty
why do my parents always seem to be having way more sex than i do?
i woke up with "only hugh can prevent florist friars" written up my arm ... i need to know what we did last night
due to concerns over safety, the theme of the 'naked fondue party' has now been changed to the 'naked fondue party with optional apron' please b.y.o.apron. extra prizes for most creative apron.
its taking every last moral i have not to steal this bike
you still have morals?
Well actually itd just be too hard to ride the bike with this large rake i just stole
Yes but that point is quickly negated bc u should never have to search more than one room to find your underwear.
is anything happening tonight?? I'm soooo in need of a tasteful and healthy bender.
And then after we fucked he wouldn't stop calling me "champ". It was like I had sex with an extremely attractive soccer coach
Are the transvestites working the counter tonight? Last time I was there they gave me love advice.
His name was Kyle but I insisted on calling him baby Jesus all night and then we did a line and he bought me Taco Bell so idk
I'm bringing my passport in case we get drunk and wind up in Mexico
What should've been a 10 minute beer run turned into her having a 40 minute mental breakdown in my car while in the parking lot. She then asked if she could live at my house and be my girlfriend. Her finishing act was stealing my peanut m&m's.
Well, when a girl introduces herself as "stormy" and gets your number from her boyfriends phone, I'd say that your situation is to be expected.
Finally get to put my practical writing degree to use! I'm writing a craigslist ad for a threesome
My debit card was between my ass cheeks when i woke up. i vaguely remember putting it there for safe keeping
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