If you don't sleep with him after showing him your thong with the bow, I am no longer on your side.
So, does it mean i'm loose if he can't even tell when he fell out?
I mean, it's free alcohol, to turn it down would be a crime against humanity.
he stopped making out with me and said "can I make you grilled cheese? I feel like I owe YOU something"
You called me at 4am shouting drunk shit about Poland and asking me to 'come out and play.' Where the fuck were you?
Poland
I looked the guy across the room straight in the eyes and said, "If you were any closer to me, we'd be making out right now."
Dude imagine how many pictures of dicks Obama gets. That can't be unusual. Almost every kids in the US has written the president a letter.
Nothing brings people closer than bonding over tequila shots and running from campus security.
Just resonded to a booty call with "how much effort is required on my part?" I think I've finally reached the point of smoking too much pot
That broad from the bar put her name in my phone as "The girl I'm going to marry in 10 years".
You gave my cousin a blowjob and are facebook friends with my mom. Is there a name for this level of friendship?
Dude, he danced with the dog that some random chick was carrying at the bar. Then the dog jumped out of his arms and ran away. THAT definitely deserves a drink.
I never said it was inaccurate, I said I hate you.
He was tripping his balls off and kept aggressively saying SIT ON MY FACE. 5 hours and countless orgasms later I've decided I must never let this man go.
According to Joseph, last night I crawled into bed and told him to pretend I'm his French maid, and then started speaking with a German accent, and referring to his manbits as "ze greatest Weiner schnitzel I'd ever seen". Basically, last night was a roaring success.
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