i mistaked the back of her knee for her vagina
Just rolled over and realized my vodka goggles are not as functional as my beer goggles
hows the new call of duty?
I only had sex with the game case so far, but that part was awesome.
So I got a little fucked up on the punch, and made out with the family friend. Which is apparently morally reprehensible. I don't get that.
She tied me up with her honor cords...
Ahhh sometimes you just need a thermos of whiskey in the library
The girls danced. I drank. Then I danced cause I was drunk. Then I ripped tim's shirt off cause I'm awesome.
Dear god. Please. Please do NOT deprive yourself of dick for 90 days. Blood will spill. Wolverines will howl. I can't handle that kind of terror.
Executive order 941: BRING ME THE FINEST PANCAKES!
You have got to stop watching the West Wing before going out.
YO. MCGRIDDLES.
im drinking out of a pineapple, so yea.
He took my necklace off while we were 69ing. His tongue never stopped moving either. Take that, guys who can't figure out how bras work.
Okay, so is being determined to have my vagina licked by a woman on Valentine's day an acceptable goal?
i was too drunk before they even got here. i took all their phones instead of keys and hid them in the freezerr...im an awesome party host.
Thanks for the hospitality last night.
You mean sex?
Yes....hospitality.
Randomize
