her vagina probably looks like a grenade went off in a deli
My birthing hips are way to big to be around all these juveniles.
i cleaned the weed out of my bowl, pretended it was a spoon and ate oatmeal with it. my mom cried
DONT TAKE THE KEG OUT OF THE HOT TUB I NEED A PICTURE OF ME DOING A KEG STAND ON IT
We've only been driving for two hours and I'm already down 3 vicodin...I'm not going to survive this family vacation.
My vagina just recognized that song.
She's pissed. She declared she was moving out and proceeded to pack 3 pairs of shoes, her electric wine opener and ONE sock. Then told us to have fun paying her portion of the rent.
i could have sworn she did an overextended split with her legs over her head but now i think it was just the drugs
The jerky fairy visited my fridge. It's glorious.
i think the theme of this summer is "shitting in weird locations."
Rush week is fine, only the t-shirts are white and if it rains, the frat boys in their lawn chairs will be treated to 800 freshmen girls in their first wet tshirt contest.
Welcome to college.
I walked in her room to find her rubbing lotion on her face high as fuck.
Anywho, an ostrich attacked me today. Fucking useless pieces of shit birds.
You get home okay?
I'm pantless and in bed
That doesn't mean you're at home.
I tried to break it off with the married one. He offered to pay off my car.
The side bitch struggle is real.
Randomize
