Me= Watching Ferngully. My neighbor= Having really loud sex including multiple orgasms
Oh God
I know, but the worst part is I'm not really sure which I'd rather be doing. Feel free to re-evaluate our friendship
Wow, being the totally hot and slutty looking 30 year old lady on the dance floor does NOT necessarily mean that she has skills in bed.
It's 3 am and my parents just came up the driveway in a limo. They didn't leave in a limo. I'm scared to even ask.
Her directions to the house party: "the north star will guide you, turn left. I'm wearing the potato hat"
i'm having taco bell mild sauce and tums for breakfast because i'm hungover and thats all i can find. it's like thanksgiving up in here
Welp I just blew a load probably the size of a small pond if not a lake
Who the fuck is this
Responsible roommate: 1. Someone who takes a huge shit at work so as not to clog the toilet at home.
I screamed "I want dick!" in the middle of the intersection. So many hot guys. I wish you were here.
Brightest idea yet: lets drink enough at ladies-drink-free nights to make up for the cost of tampons. Breaking even on having vaginas!
That is cause you are some weird type of mutant that lives off of Alcohol.
So how do I get back in good graces for trying to trade you for superbowl tickets?
Your first mistake was thinking that you could get through the day without drinking a single bottle of alcohol. Your second mistake was wearing shark boxers.
Whoever said it shouldn't take a man to make you happy clearly wasn't having sex everyday.
I just walked in on my dad beating it.. There's not a fucking therapist in ARKANSAS that can help me with that!
Sexual side note: sushi and cum do not mix well. That is all.
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