i'm starting to get pissed at how pandora is trying to force coldplay on me
Theres a note on my antibiotics that says "Do not chew or crush. Swallow whole." I think that would be a good tattoo for just above my penis.
seriously this is one of those moments where im glad i dont really talk to or know the people i sleep with
Well said.
If I pass out leave the food near me so i can wake up to it
the cop asked for your social security number and you gave her your high school locker combo
when i first looked at you, you weren't wearing any pants. but then i realized you had them around your neck as a cape.
Apparently we were arguing for captain seats so I shouted "who has your virginity." I got the seat.
I found a lucrative side business - giving rides home to drunk oil executives. Very profitable.
i should probably stop thinking with my vagina, and start using that $70, 000 education i can't afford. what the fuck.
Take the weirdness of Japan and add the insanity of Florida and that's Jimmy
Let's celebrate our freedom by getting high and doing stupid shit.
He looks like an accountant with a secret kinky candy filled center.
I think I pulled a boob muscle during phone sex
It was an interesting experience to have sex while there was a triathlon going on right outside my bedroom window because it sounded like everyone is cheering for you in bed.
How supportive!
Last night I tried to apply for a job at ihop. That drunk.
Randomize
