I just bought the big bottle of Patron. It looks small. What have I done with my life?
Succeeded.
Steve is enlightening me on how and why u put gerbils up your ass
Four minutes until I can fart!
FB needs to have a relationship status called...screwing my roommates bf..linking their names would be an easier to tell her!
Just paid for that girls abortion on my dad's black card. I feel like P-Diddy.
lets have sex before this no shave november shit gets outta hand.
Just had a handjob preempted by a huge bolt of static electricity leaping from her fingertip to my sack. I hate this time of year.
No worries. On my way home to get ski poles and wipe the sick off my face. Then it's time to get drunk in the park
Dave when you find that upper decker at your house its from me but its for Jill not you
The cop let me finish my J before he cuffed me. Coolest arresting officer ever.
You're 34. You can't make guys wait till the third date anymore. Step it up!
A good drinking club with a running problem, improves endurance in both I have observed this evening.
2 for 1 beer results in multiples of 2 so what should be a beer or two becomes 4 or 6. But running, alleviates the need for a DD.
What do you expect from her? Do you remember that creepy man she dated who saturated a pillowcase in his musky cologne and mailed it to her and she still slept with him.
Crying while listening to Miley Cyrus. BE GLAD YOU JUMPED THIS SINKING SHIP!
So, if you eat too many protein bars, you will shit your pants. This I learnt today..... at work.
Randomize
