I think my grandma died before she was convinced I was straight
I woke up this morning with "guy in polar bear j.crew boxers" written on my stomach along with a 5 digit phone number...
Marriage: a sacred union between one man and one woman, and another woman in Argentina.
We made a percocet pizza. And then i made an unfortunate decision.
I woke up with fried rice in my sweatshirt pocket came downstairs and found all the chicken in the fridge gone. I'm THAT roommate aren't I?
He said I was trying to make the bouncer dance with me AS he was throwing me out
We need to play Chardee MacDennis. Contact me when you have an available date. This is not a question.
I got back at him the only way I knew how, by hooking up with the guy he hates from their rival fraternity.
My boobs love her too. She makes them feel important even though they're small
It would be awesome if I knew whose teeth these were in my pocket
ROB LOWE. SO BEAUTIFUL. SO DOUCHEY. SO HARD TO SPELL HIS NAME WHEN DRUNK.
Are you sure he's still you're boyfriend when you're sober?
He just brought a live lobster to the party.
Stay home. Ain't nothing out in these mean streets but plan b and regret
I just threw up a strange neon green substance. Did I eat a glow stick last night?
Randomize
