Contrary to popular belief alot of woman do actually enjoy sucking cock.
Going abroad, it was like my vagina was in a candy store... a sweet sweet british candy store
his mom found me in the closet hiding and the only thing i could think of was to sit there and wave.
Um I think everyone drunk and there's some douche on violin.
What is the protocol for an "i'm sorry I had my ex retrieve me from the bar so I didn't drive drunk" blow job
...then she kept trying to make balloon animals with my flacid penis. I'm never drinking whisky with you again.
We love you just as you are but we might love you more if we didn't have to post bail so often...
We weren't even through customs yet, and we got offered weed. You would love Jamaica.
sex on the stairs. not our finest idea.
Found my ex-boyfriend's money stash. Call the girls, we are getting fucked up tonight, my treat.
He hasn't responded in 6 hours and the last thing he sent me was a picture of 7 grams of coke. I'm getting kinda worried
I'm going to invent an ap that tests your stress levels before texting and will say something like "nope, go rub one out and try again in 10 min"
She was wearing American flag underwear. How could I NOT fuck her?
You're a true patriot.
I just caught my bangs on fire trying to lite a bowl while driving. Thank god it wasn't my eyebrows like last time.
I just elbowed a roll of wrapping paper, and said “ohh sorry”. I’m still drunk.
Randomize
