Let's make love on the newspapers that declare financial doomsday
you keep denying me to hang out, should i take a hint?
you keep asking me after midnight, should i take a hint?
I just saw a stripper wear a tube top around her floppy gut. God bless Michigan.
Im handcuffed to some kid i hardly know. there are no cops involved
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
This is getting serious. I keep forgetting what's in my vagina.
just fought my dog for the chicken pie I dropped on the floor.
It's hard to be a gentleman when a girl pauses her karaoke version of "a whole new world," and proceeds to tell the entire bar that she wants your cock in her mouth.
SHE SITS THERE LIKE A DICK LIKE AN ACTUAL DICK JUST LIMP AND DUMB AND BLAH
So... Really random... You know we only exist cause Dad misspelled 'perseverance', right?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Sex on the scooter in the parking lot wasn't the smartest idea. Actual quote from the cop as he handed me the ticket and fist bumped me.
but you were the sluttiest panda there and you need to embrace it
I slept with one of the directors so you would get a good price on the ballroom for your reception. I'm the best MOH. You owe me bitch
Passing out drunk in my therapists lobby may not be the best way to confirm my "stability"
You know it was a weird week when you have a mystery bruise and youre unsure if it was from crazy sex or getting bit by a duck. Life.
Two of us got arrested. Gonna be delayed a bit. Save me a burger.
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