She looked kinda like Mario Batali?
sorry about last night, I don't know what happened but I woke up this morning and looked strikingly similar to courtney love, it had to be bad.
Whatever dude, I don't feel bad about it. If my girlfriend finds out even SHE should give me a high five. That bitch was fine
Haha...we lost by one cup to a guy w shitty facial hair. What makes me most mad abt the loss is that I could grow a better beard on my vag.
She said my new name was "ranch" because I "looked delicious"
Fuck. I have to get my shit together by lunch. Mission impossible.
Everything was cool till you started pissing while standing at the bar
I'm sorry your Amazon says buttplugs now
This is possibly the most humiliating moment of my life. I have diarrhea, in a port-a-potty, at the Renaissance Festival.
I was shitfaced. I filled my contact case WITH TANNING LOTION
Just got a snapchat from him that was a video of with the caption "my new apartment" in Brazil. I think we might not be seeing eachother anymore.
Btw I did not technically have a dick in me but I was naked in bed with a man during the last finals game so that is why the Warriors won
Yo whoever left a thong on the dining room table, first of all get help second of all please remove it now
They made me leave the maternity ward, how do I get back in?
I choose my mates solely based on size and ability. No cuddles. No sleep overs. Definitely no repeats.
Randomize
