I'm making a conscious effort to limit my spending at the bars...i wrote "FOR CAB ONLY" on a $20 last night
weed brownie and a latte, breakfast of champions
Nothing says true friendship like 2 people bonding over potentially having AIDS.
I have a ginormous moral hangover. Strip club blues.
while you've been gone this has kinda turned into some sort of fivesome-type thing. just thought i should warn you for when you get back
you went over to those random dudes and told them you were an ordained minister and would like to bless their food. they laughed and agreed, then you said "now bow your heads in prayer" as soon as they did you grabbed a taco off their tray and bolted out the door.
omg. i wish i could describe to you the number of things that were just in my vagina. i feel like i got gangbanged by construction workers.
I'm ok. I've got the pantsless-with-dignity thing down pat
She just told me she thinks she bruised her labia in class
I decided I was tough enough to wax my bikini area myself. Long story short, I'll be drunk when you get home
We got way too high so we're sitting in the parking lot of the movies trying to figure out what bar to go to
Woke up at noon, still drunk, naked, with another girl next to me. When she wakes up, I'm gonna have my SECOND lesbian experience with her. How's your 2015 going?
I ate 1200 calories worth of chocolate covered marshmallows and googled why it is okay to be single forever
Um, just removed my insulin from the fridge so that I could fit our case in there. Tell me, who has their priorities straight? THIS GIRL.
Woke up at 5am in an elevator... Pretty much tells you how my weekend went.
Randomize
