I Bought a bracelet with bible characters and a charm broke. the virgin mary one. Do you think it's a sign?
His mom made me a necklace that i am supposed to wear to prom. She included a note with it, which had a star trek quote. What have I gotten myself into?
so then she threw up in his asshole
yep..that'll do it.
I'm so high I used the top vent on my dashboard to heat up a cheeseburger
Tostitos scoops are the best shotglasses ever. Eat it after as a chaser.
He just told me that when we were doing it I told him I was the captain and he was the boat. Im too embarassed to ask for money for a cab.
currently pooping in a public restroom while drinking free beer. there has never been a finer line between awesome and depressing.
I just woke up in my ex-boyfriends bed, with my new boyfriends jersey on. I love March maddness.
I think I'm just gonna be a cat and wear slutty black clothes with some eyeliner on my face and pretend my ears got stolen by a drunk guy
This message brought to you by inappropriate slogans. Cotton candy, melting in your mouth like boners.
I asked if I could borrow some condoms. She referred to herself as "a soup kitchen for whores".
if i had known the extra weight would have gone to my tits, i would have started drinking years ago
They had to take me to the ER because I got a concussion in a parking garage. Not partying with lesbians for a while
Keep your fingers crossed. If I get to go to a Stanley Cup game I'll give you the blowjob he deserves for taking me. Because hes definitely not gettin it.
I lost my cyber virginity to a guy I barely knew in high school while a Togepi Plushie watched.
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