I think dad's getting high again. His last google search was "awesome ping pong shit."
is it really high of me to have brought my own hot sauce to wendys?
Just saw some airport workers running through the terminal with liquor bottles. That's my kind of emergency.
I tried to explain to him that we just wanted a stereotypical black friend to be in our group. He didn't take it too well... Never take me to the bar again.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Well, practice makes perfect. Let's start playing Eye of the Tiger and do a blowjob training montage.
Completely smashed, masturbating to the view of the ocean. Family vacations are more tolerable than I thought
Add caroling to the list of things we need to do in an elevator
He's texting from midnight mass asking for nude pics. Baby Jesus is spinning in his manger as we speak
Every now and then I'll meet one who is talented in the art of shower gymnast.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My bathroom smells like artichokes and absinthe. I am naming a perfume after you and using the money to buy new towels.
Are you alive?
I woke up under the pier.
I need you to perform a face transplant. Please remove your face from your accounting book and relocate it to where it's most needed - between my legs.
Don't forget to make sex 3rd on your calander
You have a penis. Therefore everything you say is automatically wrong.
so apparantly i made out with 24 santas last night...and an elf...and a stoner
Randomize