Do u kno any dealers?
I've officially lost all respect for you, dad.
were doing shots for every snowflake that hits the ground
And i laid in the yard with carrots on my chest cause i wanted a bunny
So, do you ever feel like EVERY SINGLE ONE OF YOUR FRIENDS IS INVOLVED IN A MASSIVE AND INTRICATE CONSPIRACY TO COCKBLOCK YOU AT ALL COSTS?
In less than 3 minutes we had 3 security guards running after us
I kind of drew a blank when the doctor asked me how I got super glue up my nose.
Only catch is you have to sleep in the same bed as me. But no worries, I plan on being in a random guys hotel room every night. So it's essentially yours.
I remember just enough about last night to wish I didn't remember anything.
i don't even know why we got arrested this time. i think the cops just like our company at this point
Lost my virginity dressed as catwoman. He was dressed as batman. Glad I waited.
I was just lying down, dumping goldfish into my mouth and they like all came out I thought I was going to choke and die and people would be like damn that's so sad, she died laying in bed stuffing her face and reading kanye wests twitter, damn.
the girl whose rug I peed on is here
Watching the series finale of Friends and crying in my Thai food. I don't like hangover Jared.
How do you explain to your kids that you met their mother well you were giving her a gynecological exam??
dude it was our first time and her hair caught on fire from the candles on the nightstand
There is no way that actually happened!
the smell of burnt hair covered up the sweaty sex smell.
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