so the sex was amazing up until the point where she said "wow, you're even better than your dad!"
i took my goldfish out of his bowl last night and put him in my bed
i figure i've seen his cum stains on the floor, i'm allowed to say these things.
NO YOU'RE NOT. I don't want to hear that SHIT. Jameson appreciation day part 1 is saturday and YOU WILL BE READY.
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So..he has a girlfriend BUT she rarely writes on her wall and is only in 5 of his 371 tagged photos and her default pic is her with some other dude. It cant be serious
Oh my god you need to get off of facebook.
It's fucking New Year's. I can be soberish in 2013 after tonight. It's like the 30 years of grey area between Jesus' birth and death.
I have seriously seen way too may DIY cut off jean booty shorts and half shirts on fat girls this summer. Fuck you Pinterest.
Should I be scared that after we hooked up she took antibiotics with Sailor Jerry's?!
I'm 2 beers deep on an empty stomach, and I just wanna say, I pride myself on my use of commas
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I've decided that it's a bad thing. But I've also decided that I don't give a fuck.
Can you get snapchat back so I can show you all the places I threw up in/on last night?
I fell out of the car while it was moving then got puked on then puked and cried about then got back in the car and puked out the window when we started moving again
how do you politely tell someone their toddler looks alarmingly similar to the berries and cream guy
We drunkenly made out once four years ago and then he immediately vomited and honestly I've never gotten over him
Just walked out of the train bathroom after having sex and got a round of applause from the passengers. Definitely the best part of the trip.
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