Playing drinking games to Nancy Grace totally counts as "keeping up with current events.."
I didnt believe in cockblocking untill my roomate brought home that.
Why does my right nut always hang lower than my left nut?
my mothers day present is going to be not puking at the table during brunch
I've hooked up with 3 different guys already this week...don't tell me I haven't been a productive member of society
he is allergic to cats. we can only glue dog hair on him. otherwise he might die and i dont want to be responsible for that.
ahaha ok
let's call it "werewolfing"
I hit on her. So did Sarah. Neither of us got anywhere. I swear she's asexual. Like Switzerland.
We're walking, taxis are a waste of money that can be spent on alcohol.
IM TRYING TO BE RESPONSIBLE AND ALL I WANT TO DO IS FUNNEL CHEAP BEER AND SCREAM ABOUT HOW MUCH I LOVE OUR NATION
This chick at the gym, just informed me I was super funny this weekend. Especially when I untied her friends bikini top after throwing up in the women's restroom. SWEET black out chronicles has another story
Steve brought 6 joints and 2 bottles of makers mark, Josh shat himself in the pool, and Amy blew me. Hope that extra 3 dollars an hour for working overnights is still worth it.
Just give me 5 advils and some sunglasses and I'll knock out on this couch no problem.
Liquor has joined the party. Aly just fucking yelled "I LOVE COOKING" and poured margarita mixer, ice and tequila into the blender.
This whole Rob and Chyna drama is giving me trust issues. I'm about to text my ex and be like if you haven't already deleted my nudes, can you?
No you just wanted to pass out in your hallway because your room was too far away
Randomize
