Texts From Last Night · Random Texts

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(734): View more from Michigan

I miss you. Just wanted to say that before the drugs kicked in so it's legit.

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(905): View more from Toronto

Not only did I see you last night, you had me help you meet women by convincing them you were deaf and only I understood your sign language

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(872): View more from Illinois

mom just found 19 empty wine bottles in my closet. i hate spring cleaning

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(713): View more from Texas

splinters make it hard to masturbate

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23 Strangest Things That Gave Dudes A Boner
Read it at the TFLN blog
(239): View more from Florida

Any questions about why there was a scuba tank chilling in the hot tub this morning?

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(850): View more from Florida

I think it was you who decided that coming home at 3AM and cooking eggs topless was the best way to end our night. Eating the scrambled eggs off each other's boobs, that was ellie's idea

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(309): View more from Illinois

Should I mail that cop his nightstick or just throw it away?

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(+49): View more from Germany

She was about to leave with you until you started singing "You Hoes Ain't Loyal" in her face

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(401): View more from Rhode Island

Officially the best daughter ever. I just restocked my parents alcohol that I stole last night AND ADDED TO IT

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