My butt just had a miscarriage. It was yours. I'm sorry. You would have been a great sexually confused parent.
This is the prime rib incident all over again
Every time I remember you're bi, the world gets a little brighter.
i don't know how it's possible. but i just bought groceries for a week with the money i made off returning empties
So Monday we're lesbians.
Deal. This decision is final and any rebates on this will result in losing an eyeball.
Can't we have real sex instead of you just thrusting the air near me?
He's against "violent sex" cause apparently my body is "sacred". Like dude I'm about to tell you about blowing your brother just so you'll fuck me like an animal Jesus Christ....
I'm literally 40 minutes from where I was supposed to stay. I woke up in a parking lot.
She didn't complain to the library attendant about us being too loud. She complained after you grabbed her highlighter off the table to stir vodka into your tumbler with.
My greatest accomplishment today was eating a box of Thai food the size of a toddler.
PS there is a naked boy in my bed and I just left for the bar...
i have a strong feeling that today will be a naked day for me...i don't feel like doing shit
We need to move to a different bar soon. When we're standing on the patio, and every guy around us has seen us naked...there's a problem
4 of us. Guys and girls. Were sitting there discussing the passed out half naked Brit girl on the floor. She is no longer the international woman of mystery.
Sorry, Geoff can’t come to his phone right now. He’s outside trying to show his dick to a bachelorette party bus with “DTF” written on the windows
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