i am not above fucking your little sister on your bed
I swear that men would be more efficient if they had a semen gauge on their penises
i did the 'picked up item' thing from zelda when i jizzed on her face
so you're single again?
yea but it was worth it
A donut and a mojito for breakfast...Helloooooo Derby Wekkend!
These 19 Guys Hit The Cougar Jackpot
I hope you realize, I'm counting on you as my wingman next semester. It's your turn to advertise another man's penis. I did my tour all freshman year.
I expected to wake up with a sext of you posing nude and all I got was a missed call.....disappointed.
I'm sorry I think it was because I lost a chicken nugget in my purse and that's all that was on my mind until 4am
I can't even tell you how many rave sticks I tore apart with my teeth last night.
I don't know at which point last night turned terribly, terribly wrong, but it was somewhere around Motel 6, specifically the parking lot.
When you get home there will be live fish in the bathtub. I did not put live fish in the bathtub.
35 Disappointing People Who Failed At Sexting
oh and speaking of men I've slept with. Ryan lost 1/3 of a testicle zip lining
Currently studying Econ, while waiting outside current booty call's residence for him to return from the strip club. This is your fault.
Possibly having a threesome with my ex boyfriend and his current girlfriend was great closure on that subject
I thought my neighbors locked me out of the building. Then I remembered I was drunk. PUSH AND TURN.
The ecstacy made me so dehydrated I started licking condensation off car windows
He wanted to watch a Charlie Brown thanksgiving. But I was like, fuck that, I'm a grown up. So we watched jumanji and I sucked his dick.