I just bought the big bottle of Patron. It looks small. What have I done with my life?
Succeeded.
I might get fired at work today. I had to prioritize. It's not my fault Cockasaurus came over.
I woke up with spaghetti in my mouth
I wanna fuck padma even more now that she's preggers. Is that sick?
Yes but- 100% agreed
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
he keeps calling me but I'm too scared to answer... Not sure what he's gonna yell at me for: barging into his room while he was with another girl, filling her shoes with dog food and water, or hiding his keys in the garbage disposal.....
No flights in Europe due to the volcano erupting. God himself is telling me to spend 4.20 in Amsterdam.
So, remember how that one doctor said it was 1 in a million that I'd get pregnant...
Yeeah thank god
Well..welcome to parenting Mr. one in a million.
He googled the address of the bar, then sent me a text saying "6.3 miles. Too far. :( Apparently I am only worth a 5 mile radius.
I feel like I just gave a blowjob to a freight train.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just did the math. It is, in fact, cheaper to go out drinking every weekend than it would be for me to pay for a legitimate therapist. What are you doing next Friday night?
ugh... thank God for ATM withdrawal limits. I was drunk enough to give that weird shaped stripper all of my money while making her cry in the back room.
Instead of a hangover my body just feels like shame
That is a hangover
I would prefer a headache
I'm wearing sunglasses around my house. Douchebag status. The hangover is real.
Just saw a rice crispy commercial and got emotional. I need to go home.
Im just an angry damaged little elf who wanders around and tries to find drugs.
Randomize