We were busted for public indecency in the back of my car in the parking lot. This time we were just reading my Cosmo magazine.
I mistook a propane tank for a keg.
One of my students just said I have "big mommy parts". Even third graders know that my tits are too big. God I love em.
The cab driver had me sign for the payment and I was like give me a second while I throw up right outside your door.
I woke him up and he was mumbling something about it being moist, or he peed himself but it was okay.
She told me that when she orgasms she just lays there like that baby from teenmom. Who the fuck says that
I'm gonna take off my shirt and spin it around my head like petey Pablo so u can find us
The less fucks you give, the more fucks you get. Kinda like "a penny saved is a penny earned" but with vagina.
I am disappointed by everyone's lack of ability to dance on a stripper pole:(
Mike passed out early so we kept filling his mouth with redi-whip and letting the dog lick it out, but he started getting hives so we stopped.
Her son walked into the middle of the living room, took off his diaper, shit on the floor, smiled at me, and walked out, as if nothing happened.
So date night went well?
Grandma's bordering on serious shit show territory at this point.
Well the good news of being walked in on, my mom says your tits are pretty. Then she added that hers were like that once. Fml
Just ate 2 pieces of pizza in the shower.. New low or fuckin brilliant??
i am risking my non lesbian vagina for your needs. i better be the best friend you ever had
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