I really want to fuck my wifes sister.
cant go down on her man, her vagoo reminds me of a face hugger from aliens
Just got roadhead while going 95. I came for a mile and a half.
I want to get so wasted that I make middle aged irish men look like mormon girls
If a video of someone that looks like me banging that chick on the hood of her car in some parking lot suddenly shows up on the web... let me know, I gotta see how that turned out.
It was the best present I've gotten since I was 5 and I got a fucking easy bake oven. I'm not pregnant for realsies. Celebratory party at the house tonight. Invite all the nice dicks you know.
Some guy just showed up at my door to return my bikini top. EXPLAIN NOW
I think my hookup is starting to fall for me. Time to break his heart.
Who shows up to work two weeks ago still drunk and freshly high on blow and gets a promotion and a raise? This girl. Good at business. Super good at being fucked up.
Liquor doesn't fix sad, but it sure as hell lowers my standards for a rebound.
I just KNEW this was gonna happen. NEVER say "all the free Jameson you can drink" around Tina.
I guess "Ass Fun Friday" is not a thing no matter how many times I say it or bring it up in conversation...
I just came so hard my hamstring felt like it was going to tear. I am also now a screamer
Today's psa: there are certain parts of your body you shouldn't scratch while wearing fake nails.
you just tore your cootch a new one, didn't you?
There's a 50-50 shot that I will wake up with an ass tattoo tomorrow.
Randomize
