Going to Kmart high is like jumping in a time machine back to the 80s
I saw a girl walking around campus with bandages on both her knees. I need to get her number.
All that matters is I got the megaphone home safely
My gynecologist inadvertently complimented your penis.
Some guy seriously just got Jimmy Johns delivered to him at the graduation ceremony. This cannot be real life.
She's cheated on every boyfriend she's ever had with the same guy. She's like a slutty yo-yo.
Dude you don't even know. I spilled the tequila and it took 4 people to stop me from drinking it off the table.
Until you wake up with a Hustler club stripper in the next room whose nipple you were coerced to lick at Snake & Jake's after breaking up a fight between an Indian and a Filipino, I don't wanna hear about your weird.
I'm hungry
Come here to eat and play. It'll be like Dave and Busters except with sex
I went through my entire iTunes library and made a playlist called "Feelings". I have 7.5 hours of feelings.
Good morning love! Friendly reminder that we decided to make leggings with a vagina zipper. "For the winter quickie"
woke with Taco Bell next to me in bed and people's shoe sizes written on my arm.
it's like that time i was drunk at relay for life. but with balloon animals...
Does it still count as a threesome if one girl left halfway through cause we were having too much sex?
Fuck you for even being able to ask that question
I have to touch the horse lube. :-(
Randomize
