Once again you get dinner and all I get is semen on my leg
I think my mom's writing a book called how to fuck with your kids when you know they're high
Who wants to bang the sort of girl you can get with Axe body spray??
We asked an illegal alien to buy us beer. He didn't even want a tip. I'm going to Washington to plead that case.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Last night the nurse at the ER told me that she wished all her drunk patients were like me. Then she commented on my socks...
it will be an insanely irresponsible summer.the only things i plan on not doing are dying and getting pregnant.and even those are negotiable
This isnt meant to be as creepy as it sounds, but do you seriously want a lock of the hair I cut off?
It was the textbook our-balls-touched-while-engaged-in-a-threesome-with-our-bosses-wife conversation.
It amazes and alarms me I'm not shocked to read that.
There was a pirates of the caribbean marathon on. No matter how much you like rum, it is NOT possible to outdrink the pirates. They always win.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My roommate comes home screaming, I brought you home a friend! I thought she brought me a guy...no, she brought home a one-eyed shih tzu.
Come to office depot with me I need help picking out a daily planner that will help me keep all of my casual sex dates organized.
If my bootycall doesn't bring over a Baconnator, I swear to fucking God, I'm not letting him in. The hunger is that real. Forget his Persian dick.
I made out with a girl because I wanted to get in the VIP section of the bar because they have these big comfy couches. It worked.
I've washed my hands three times and it still smells like Astroglide.
I heard Enya coming from steve’s room. I am too high to handle this sudden depth of character
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