like what am i supposed to say "im thinking of how bad that sex was"?
i now know how you feel when you have to walk me home. she ran into a streetlight and into garbage.
I seriously need 2 stop fake jacking off in peoples faces at work...the I.T. Guy just showed me the security surveillance tapes.
He tried to blame not having a condom on the economy.
there's just a random girl here singing about how much she loves fiber
Bartender just fed me brownie. Its going to be a good night
As soon as they started using chocolate milk as a chaser for captain Morgan, I thought l it'd be best to leave.
I love it. Like, more than my penis at the moment.
He's a Shit stain on my heart
Hungover in church. I can feel stained glass Jesus judging me.
What's goes good with Everclear?
Pepto-Bismol and a sandwich.
A guy I hooked up with YEARS ago just endorsed me on LinkedIn for "customer service".
Tequilla is a sneaky bitch ninja that doesn't kick in until you least expect it. Then BAM! You're peeing in unconventional places.
Couch. On fire.
Im about to get an ultrasound of my balls. I hate waiting. Its the worst.
Randomize
