So I'm going back to my apartment just to get my vibrator.
I thought you were moving in with your boyfriend for the summer?
Well....one will keep me from having to pay rent and the other satisfies. I'll let you figure it out.
cant go down on her man, her vagoo reminds me of a face hugger from aliens
So I'm really hungover walking to work and these douches from comcast on bikes ask if they can take a picture with me to show that they're doing their job. The picture: me, this chick from comcast, i'm holding a 2 ft. pixie stick, a comcast flyer and i'm puking in the parking lot. sounds like their doing a good job!
well when do great stories at the expense of people's relationships become a bad thing?
i walked toward the cop car thinking it was the liquor store lights nd by that time it was too late to escape the trap
he's got a countert top full of yard sale blenders so id say maragita wednesdays is a go.
Lol, you asked the waitress to box up someone else's discarded food last night
Yeah i was handcuffed to the bed all night but i actually slept like a baby
I'm still high with raccoon eyeliner eyes and chocolate all over my face and chest, clutching a mug of wine. Happy graduation.
She called it a palate cleanser. She and her friend dike it out once a year before returning to dick
Together or do they pick up? How far do they go? IS AN AUDIENCE PERMITTED? GODAMIT ANSWERS MAN!!!!!!
I dressed up as a "typical white girl" which meant I wore my yoga pants and uggs all night. BEST. IDEA. EVER. Most comfy halloween everrrr.
call me with an emergency in 5 min. This chick has a strap on hangin behind the bathroom door.
Omg. I can't go on a date with this man. His kids are too ugly.
I woke up next to a box of cheese bread it was super romantic
I'm gonna invite every single tinder date I've had to my birthday. Let them fight, battle Royale style. The winner gets to fuck me. \n\nBest. Birthday. Ever
Randomize
