His text read: Sex? I replied: Not drunk enough. He bought 4 more rounds and tantalized me with the offer pizza later. This could be the beginning of a beautiful relationship.
she's in the bathroom throwing up right now...what is the hookup protocol after she is done? what all can I do with her?
She said you were bangin on the counters of McDonalds singing "These Eyes" at 4am
So for Valentine's Day...I finally swallowed. I feel like I earned that steak.
Oh right she's pregnant - that's why all of her statuses have been uber depressing
Sober me is really good at getting to the airport on time. Drunk me is really good at shitting my pants. Do you know how much pants cost at the airport????
They put 3 tbs of cinnamon in vodka shots and called it the "cinnamon death challenge"
Please come home, i don't want to feel like basket garbage girl but I'm in your alleyway and not sure how to change that.
I threw up in the kitchen on the floor and a guy tried cleaning it up with a spoon at a party.
I walk in and my roomie is fucking her bf while wearing lingerie and minnie mouse ears. Right in the childhood.
I spent half an hours grinding with a drunk Harry Potter cosplayer at the con rave. Pretty sure I felt his wand.
I was 100% done.. I used my vibrator while eating cold pizza. Shit was magical.
We just got in a fight with grandma b/c she tried to tell us you didn't go hard.
I woke up with a dick pic from the ex-Mormon via email. Not really what I wanted to see before my first cup of coffee this morning, but I gotta say, I'm impressed.
I just had sex on my divorce papers. I've never felt so poetic.
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