Jake just asked if thanksgiving was an american thing...I left the table
Random fact of the day: cum is a really good eye makeup remover
After we hooked up, he left the room and no one has seen him since last night. That kid redefined hit it and quit it.
I think we can all look back on last night and categorize it under, " reason why Cory can't be left at the bar by himself"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Its all fun and games until someone grabs the electrical fence.
Just so you know, if you are not feeling well today it's cause you drank a gatorade bottle full of highlighter fluid.
Ikeep having to ask jim if I'm actually talking. I canmt feel my body...this is what Christmas is all about
He asked me when I was coming to bed while simultaneously drilling a fart into the mattress. Don't fucking get married.
I asked this couple what they would like to drink and they leaned toward me eagerly and asked if we still have THE root beer ... Idk if this is code for please add cocaine to my drink
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I never turn down an adventure. My life is like a sexual Lord of the Rings.
There is a high possibility I will pass out with my hand in a bag of Doritos
Only a true best friend would remind you to make sure your cucumber dildo is organic
when u match a guy bc he's from Oregon & he's trying to flirt, shut up i just want to talk about trees
I got St Patrick's Day drunk on Friday and apparently ordered a Total Gym in the middle of the night
all i remember is walking home without my pants on... when i woke up i was sleeping in between my parents in their bed, no more whiskey wednesdays
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