Don't look now but I am in class with a mixed drink
Don't look now but my prof just asked me if I was drinking a screwdriver
i've never been more proud of someone than i was when he told me he got his first blowjob at age 13...from two chicks
craigslist faux pas number 857, just got head in a disability bus.
Just snuck alcohol into the hospital for my mom.
He just showed up at my house and was like "have you seen an axe laying around?" he wasnt wearing any shoes.
Dude i swear to christ if he sends me one more pic of a "magnificent dump" im changing my number
i had a threesome. one of the guys used to bully me in high school too for being gay.
So I fucked her. If you're keeping score at home, it's all tied up with horrible sex with someone I like and great sex with someone I hate both with 1.
SORRY! Pervert came out for a bit. BAD PERVERT! BACK IN YOUR HOME!
Bartenders are not toys. I repeat, bartenders are not toys.
If I asked you to guess what I'm doing right now how many guesses would it take to get to really high eating an apple bumping techno
you walked in on him eating me out and screamed SHE'LL BREAK YOUR HEART BRO before body slamming on the ground and passing out on the floor
I'm about to start putting my tampons in the microwave for a few seconds these plastics applicators and this weather don't mix
Hey I was just wondering if you could go look for my teeth?
He screamed, "Let there be light!" when he came
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