hook me up with the drugs dog keep up the good work
You love popeyes more than me
does delicious chicken come out of your vagina?
He gave me the "I've pictured you while jerkin off" look
I found out that they tried to reenact the Snooki drop by using a jump rope and the banister. Pictures say it all.
Trying to figure out which chair my head was under last night
You texted me 'I am the leopard prince', with a series of pictures of you posing in what seemed like cat poses. you were not "a little bit" drunk dude..
And we won't even have to pay the tab if we die AT the bar. So..win win.
All I saw was a purple blob and poking out from under was part of a green shirt. Took me a minute to realize it was him under that beast.Thought I should ask if he was actually breathing and conscience but then I saw him slowly exploring what few brave men have done before.
You told me if you could get your shoes on, you deserved a coke and rum. We never made it to the party.
Somehow it went from suicide to pierced nipples. I think we're good.
WHY ARE THERE NO BLACK EMOJIS? I CAN NEVER PROPERLY IDENTIFY MYSELF.
Things you do not want to hear after sex: I almost lost my gum in your pussy. Really dude, don't share that with me!
I just had sex with the megalodon show on in the background and it was just as magical as it sounds
He saved you from those guys at the club, took you home, and made you breakfast. If this isn't your come to Jesus moment IDK what is.
IT TOOK ME LIKE AN HOUR TO DO THAT. DO YOU KNOW HOW HARD IT IS FOR ME TO CONCENTRATE ON ONE THING FOR AN ENTIRE HOUR?!
Randomize
