he pointed at my clit and asked with a confused face, 'whats this thingy??"
Is it bad to use cherry nyquil as substitute for grenadine? Because i just went there.
Nah, totally cool. It already has the alcohol in it.
Joey just asked me if I ever got anything stuck in my vag.
was it embarrassing when you had to say yes?
Somehow "stranger danger" turned into making out with a 25 year old on burbon street.
you got me arrested i just think that goes without question you owe me a blowjob
just woke up in my car, in front of the bar. Took me 10 minutes to find my keys which were about 10 yards away in a bush. According to my phone records, I called my ex 14 times last night. Breakfast?
I think I found out what we're going be for Halloween....Alcohol poisoning victims.
Are the homeless actually allowed to bathe in fountains located on Main Street in downtown Houston? Can Houston TX be so progressive as to condone public bathing?
He told me that his favorite part about me is hearing my voice while we fuck. I think that was the nicest thing he has EVER said to me.
Dude, we tried to feed you but you just started sobbing and ran away
Had a dream I went to Disney to visit you and then I got really drunk and puked all over these little kids in line
Just laying in bed with my vibrator eating cold tortillas and listening to Savage Garden.
The chances of me making out with someone next weekend are about the same as me not remembering it.
i just called dibs on the taxi driver at the bar that isnt drinking. im a grown up
Apparently I have a "problem" because I enjoy doing bong rips in the shower
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