I ate a lot of your sunchips. I mean a lot. Like 4 to 5 bags.
:O -> O: ... that's emoticon for "he threw up in my mouth while we were making out"
im gonna put my furry chinchilla vagina on her mother effing nose
Less talking, more tequila
No I can't cure herpes. I'm an EMT, not Jesus.
Yeah like 200 white people came and they are playing that one Biggie Smalls song everyone knows.
...Just between you and me I just did Olympic grade ribbon dancing with toilet paper in the bar bathroom.
I already googled the effects of Molly with my antibiotics, I should be fine.
Why is there even a knowledge base for that?!
At the end of the date, he asked if he could kiss me. I really wanted to say "dude, I didn't shave for nothing"
He's so urbane and sleek; so aesthetically chiseled, having endless features to offer me whenever I desire.
Are you fucking a guy or a condo building?
You left a motherfucking bruise. ON MY TIT. How? How do you even. No.
I'm pretty sure that I drunkenly used the phrase "I just want his beard all over my body" way too many times last night.
fries before guys. food before dudes. shakes before dates. chips before dicks. lemon bars before football stars. macaroni before screwin' tony. what i'm saying is please come to ladies' night
alcohol and riverdancing are a dangerous mix. have a spraind ankle. i die now
It's five in the morning. wtf?
Can we do lunch at 3? I have a blowjob scheduled for 2.
You schedule blowjobs?
Randomize
