I didnt attack him, I heard I threw a chair at him- big difference. And you know Im not a creep so whatever
You also had the stripper slap the shit out of me for not having any money....remember that?
Speaking of morons, I just found half a Subway sandwich in the bathroom drawer You or your brother?
he ran me a hot bath. i thought i was in a pot and was going to be eaten. i was strangely ok with this
I swear after i took it all i did was scream for four hours
I need to get skinnier so that I know when pregnancy scares are real...
So, I found out he was eating a jolly rancher while eating me out.. Hence the yeast infection.
HE THREATENED ME WITH A CACTUS. WHERE DID HE EVEN GET A CACTUS.
Well, I'm off to go seduce a gay man. In 10 years when I'm 300 pounds, sitting in a mumu surrounded by my 500 cats, remind me of this text. That way I can be like "ohhh THERE'S where I went wrong!!"
We could be hammered at a childrens film. You failed me
You will go out on a boat of flames filled with honor, sarcasm, and assholery, let me assure you.
I mean there are things broken right and left, I woke up surrounded by dog statues, and we had a vodka bubble bath.
On a scale from 1 to banned, how offensive do you think it would be to wish my vibrator happy Valentine's Day on various social media outlets?
She stood up through my sunroof the entire drive home. screaming her ass off and singing free falling..
just because he was passed out beside the toilet, didn't give you tge right to pee on him
my aim is off when im drunk
Randomize
