Just fell off a train. Bad.
drank two beers while on the toilet at home during lunch break. new high or new low, not sure
True or false: I did not bring home a 28 year old last night.
True? Did she teach you things?
She taught me the meaning of awkward goodbyes at 530 am.
So, it's like build-a-bear for your vag?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It's really awkward to greet the pastor when I know I've licked chocolate syrup off his daughter's chest.
I'm passing your future prison.
I miss your penis. And I totally say this as a friend. I just miss it because it's great. You should be very proud of it.
No need to clean the puke on the driveway. The squirrel is eating it up.
all i know is there's a picture on my phone of him wearing my purple sweatpants and licking the bottom of my foot.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I should probably stop recommending my dentist to the different guys I'm seeing. That could be awkward in the future.
I love that my family celebrates every holiday with a joint. Chanukah? Mazel-juana! Easter? What's more spring than the color green? Election day? What better way to celebrate democracy in action than medical pot?
I spend so much of my life shaving my body hair off and I want nothing more than his beard in all my hairless places.
Just got up.... With the club stamp on my ass.... How did it got there????
Do not ever chug tabasco sauce.
You asked him if he would have sex with you under the dinosaur. He declined and then you started crying, blaming the sand.
Randomize