Do you feel that fire radiating from matt's crotch for you
Gross. gingers suck
My head feels like little people r playing bumper cars inside it
I'm at a bar that has girls so awful looking even you would not have sex with them.
Well... I doubt that.
I'm at work and it's 1:30. I need a beer. is that bad?
Welcome to every minute of my life.
I think his glow in the dark Star Wars sheets, at the time, really turned me on.
i think you walked me home, then i felt bad for putting you through the trouble so i walked you home...i'm not sure how i got home after that.
Her boyfriend was wrestling another girl. But, she said she was okay with it because she kept checking for boners--w the back of her hand like she was checking for a fever
I didn't hate myself when I woke up today, that's improvement right?
Okay. I am working on pulling a tooth out of my mouth. Call me.
Yea I've gotten enough hickeys in my life to know what I'd look like with a neck tattoo. I think I'm getting a neck tattoo.
Why did I wake up in bed with the ironing board and a Mariah Carey mask? Vodka hates me
starting to feel like a fuck wizard with a magical sixth sense for people fucking.
This is the nicest bathroom I've ever been drunk in. The urinal is gold.
Im 76 percent sure I took a fully clothed shower last night.
Drinking is such a hassle. I wish I could just press a button and be drunk.
Randomize
