Your vagina is a self cleaning oven.
Latenightwjoannablackberrywontletmespaceitknowsimdrunk
If penises could fly, my ass would totally be an airport.
Dude I just figured out the mystery flavor of airhead is vodka sprite, no way i'm wrong
And then he said "my dick isn't hard enough and your tits aren't big enough for this to work"
Fuck, now I'm not only the other woman, but the pregnant one
Just remembered to take my BC at the liquor store. Just swallowed it with a free sample of Whiskey.
Dude he's not responding... I'll take that as an unpleasant visit to the clinic
And after peeing my pants waiting outside for him, i proceeded to drop down and roll in the nearest puddle to pretend like i just ate shit when he arrived
Drunk me really needs to stop 1. telling every attractive dude in a relationship that monogamy isn't real 2. Proposing threesomes with them and their girlfriends
I pay 3K a month for rent, yet last nite I broke into the back of my building, scaled over 2 tons of garbage in heels and took a dirty freight elevator to my floor just so my doorman wouldn't see how fucked up I was
U know ur prob on camera right?
Mike fell asleep with his hand down my pants. I'm clearly an enticing person.
Yeah, he fractured his ass by doing a canon ball into the bath tub....
Does it count as a threesome if your friend drunkenly has sex on top of you while you're passed out?
is it weird that i just witnessed the marriage of someone ive had sex with on multiple occasions?
Randomize
