There's a dildo in the cheerios box here...
Where's the Hot Mess Express headed tonight?
I hope that's not the new nickname for my friends and me.
I just found out I was conceived in a rehab facility... that's better than finding out your dad could be someone else right?
they duct taped my keg cup to my hand with my sister's phone number on it. I should be ok tonight.
I'm laying outside on my patio attempting to get sun with a puke bucket next to me... This is dedication to the tan my friend
It's a system.. i get to hook up with them and you get to play words with friends with them afterwards.
Do you have any idea how horrifying it is to hear your sister and her husband fucking then immediately go down stairs only to hear your parents fucking....... I wish I was Hellen Keller right now.
Monday afternoon and I'm still hungover from Valentine's Day. I think I'm winning at the single life.
What is the proper Father's Day protocol when you're sleeping with a guy who has kids?
Knows all the good gay bars AND has a dog? Wtf can't I drop pizza on guys like that????
also i don't know what you guys ate last night but he broke the toilet
You don't come back from leaving a bag of shit on someone's counter Jill
Drink water, eat food, and stop tazing yourself
I just choked eating whip cream from the can, and peed a little because I was coughing so hard. How am I still single.
You took one look at him and said "let's hope I don't remember this tomorrow" then you took another shot and chased it with a beer.. I guess it was a success.
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