I would have been "that girl" at the party last night if it wasn't for that girl who puked in the potted plant...
i have a $600 bill for my ER visit in which they did nothing but suggest to me that i am an alcoholic.
we were on a sandy mattress. i was wearing a sweatshirt with a poodle on it and eating a whopper jr. i wouldn't have fucked me either.
Oh btw I took the eighth out of the plastic wrap so I could use it to wrap my red pepper. This can be seen as either pathetic or resourceful.
there were staples in my comforter. what kind of sex did we even have?
He set an alarm on my phone to an infant screaming and puking to make sure i take my pill. its working.
Your girlfriend is in jail- I've just never been able to use that in a sentence before. Thank you both!
My vagina bone hurts from grinding on that dude so hard.
you should be awarded for your promiscuity.
i really should.
HEY. That drawer full of booze in my dorm room also has aspirin and Tums in it. So don't tell me I don't care about health.
In all honesty the person most likely to secretly slip me drugs would be ... Me
I'm in your room because it's a safe space. Is it ok to pee in here?
Im sorry you'll never get the feeling of closeness when you go to pee outside and you realize you're peeing right where someone else just peed
Married dude I had an affair with 10yrs ago was at table next to us at dinner last nite. My mom asked him to take a pic of us & then commented how cute he was as they left. Do I tell her he’s got a huge D too?
I cant promise hot guys but i can promise alcohol which is close enough.
Randomize
