i woke up next to the toilet with a chipped tooth, somebody elses shirt on, and a random guys id in my pocket
I'd suck anything for a pizza right now
Where'd you guys get the alcohol from?
Oh. Some homeless guy we picked up from I-70. He bought us $400 worth of alcohol in exchange for a shower.
...... wtf.
Maybe someone other than the mad hatter should have gone with him to the ER
I just want to curl up with him and brush his hair and sing love songs together, I think you should come over and end this
She gave me what I will now dub a "hurricane sandy". Loud, wet and sloppy BJ that made me want to stay home and complain about shit on the Internet
I'm going back to his house to watch wreck it Ralp.
Hey, Monsters Inc. got me laid. Disney man, who knew it leads to sex.
I'm so annoyed. We're about to buy groceries for the week and at this point I'm hoping to sustain myself on pure alcohol.
In 2009 his now husband dressed in a sailor onesie and heels for pride so he needs to REMEMBER how to party
But I am still fully ok with my life choices as long as the consequences aren't onesies and pacifiers
learned the hard way that breakfast jack daniels is a lot stronger than lunch or dinner jack daniels.
Sitting in a waiting room with 15 children has me contemplating if I ever want to have sex again...
Nothin ruins a fine afternoon like shitting ur pants
I should never have to text my best friend asking if she eloped again last night.
I just woke up with a cowboy hat on my face and a playboy from the 90s on my chest
Randomize
