Why do I always have sex on the first date when I know it demotes me to booty call girl?
I hope my margaritas pass through security.
They're donating plasma together for extra money. Couple of the fucking century.
The best part was that when I woke up, I poked her with my dick to wake her up, and said, "Hi, I'm Alex. Nice to meet you". Shoulda seen the look on her face. Priceless.
She definitely pulled a diaper out of her purse and cleaned up the vodka with it, where do you meet these people?!
we made out at a charity event. really i was helping the fight against aids...
We were in the shower and he sat down an wouldn't do anything. I'm so glad he manscapes. It made washing his balls less awkward.
How am I feeling this morning? Well, besides the fact that my vagina looks like a pair of giraffe's lips and I'm walking like an over-confident cowgirl, I'm fantastic. Thanks for your concern.
You know what it feels like? It feels like I'm in that prison from the dark knight rises. That's what being a virgin in college feels like.
Some fat latino guy has these 2 fat white moms making out with each other on the dance floor
I was orgasming and dying of laughter at the same time. I think I've found the One.
He yelled "CARLI LLOYD" and then kicked the cake off the table. Soccer is making monsters out of us.
I threw up in my brother's Easter basket
You like pics of my balls that much?
I am at the store looking at frames as we text...
Question: how does one descretely ask the ice cream truck driver thats out at 10:00pm if he sells weed?
Randomize
