Tell her she's as useless as a condom.
my grandpa was trying to put butter into the pepsi and i'm like "grandpa what are you doing" and he looks down and goes "well i guess that wouldn't taste good anyway"
We're friends. And when I drunkenly send u a pic of my left testicle i would appreciate a response.
You picked me up and threw me on a barstool and shoved shots in front of me.
Thats like the definition of a good friend
At least he's not married... I hate Halloween hookups
Shame should no longer be a word in your vocabulary.
Succesfully slept on the roof at work for 3.5 hours without getting caught. I need a promotion
He handled me like a finger puppet on crack... Time to ice the vagina, I'd like to sit down sometime today.
She looked at my cock with a kind of resigned disappointment.
Just found the last picture of me as a virgin. Framed it.
Sex followed by chicken and waffles... Hands down my favorite morning plans. Count me in.
Like I just asked Greg why I don't have a crown for my vagina. That drunk.
Dude I asked him to get me beef jerky at 4 am and he actually walked to CVS to get it. CVS closes at 12 but it was the perfect opp to dip out
The Lion King Is on YouTube
Until 2 minutes ago I actually had a chance to pass my midterms... thanks alot
You tried to fight someone about spaghetti o’s?
That hungover.
Randomize
