I found a pair of size 15 female undies on my floor?? is that big?
I wish we could go back in time and find our best farts ever
I just saw a neon sign in a bar window that says, "open to Public" but the L is burnt out.
if that dog is afraid of alcohol then he's no dog of mine
I was relieved after I found the unopened condom in my pocket. Then I found the open one in the other pocket..
I just used cruise control in a 25 zone. When will this hangover end???
Sexual tension squid is drowning in the sexual tension
I legitimately thought I was gonna die getting finger banged to ja rule in the back of your car last night.
Well we had to pull over on a side street in town so I could throw up while moms were driving by with car loads of kids, I feel like I just performed a lil silent AA film for the childrens
Oh and Dustin informs me I'm a legend amongst the freshman, if you were wondering about my street cred
Just because you have put things in my vagina does not mean you know me
Dude, never piss off a hungover boss.
Would it be weird if i sent him a "happy fuckiversary" text?
My Mormon mother just found a butt-plug in our AirBnB closet.
I get so pissed when there is something that NEEDS to be made fun of and you're not here.
Randomize
