i was like. eff you dude i'm 100% american. i went to a high school prom and i like springstein songs and i take rides in chevrolets.
A few issues tonight. 1) Drunk since 1pm. 2) At the bar at 4pm. 3) James brought his sister, who has enormous breasts, isnt shy about cleavage, obviously slutty, and makes me want to do things that would even have Atheists sending me to hell. However, she's wearing glitter, so all Im thinking about is Edward Cullen. Go ahead and rip up my Man Card.
i wish i could just hire someone to go down on me every night until i fall asleep
She wouldn't go home with me cause I forgot her name. I didn't realize it would matter after she danced with her vagina on my face
Mattress luging...It's a long story.
I want to do something romantic. Like gargle champagne before I put your dick in my mouth.
I dove into a random van at the bar as the door was closing and ended up at some house with people I've never met in my life dancing in a basement
And I would just like to take the time to say my boobs look great today.
let's make a party pact right now just as precaution for this trip: ill make sure you don't piss yourself if you make sure I don't bang my cousins friends. deal?
I walked by the two of them and mouthed "fuck me" based on there reaction I think they just came in their pants
I don't want to jinx anything but I may have found the one.
Cat or human?
Human
I WAS KIDDING ABOUT SLUTEMBER BUT ITS ACTUALLY HAPPENING
I wish I could open myself up and check on my liver. Make sure it's hanging on. Ya know?
She was shaving her legs in the neighbors pool when we found her.
Where'd she get the razor?
Not the point.
If I lock her out of the apartment right now would the neighbors have grounds to sue?
Randomize
