it's a shame restraining orders have to come between me and my relationships
Brought out my three foot martini glass last night, that explains why I haven't left my bed all day long.
today i learned why jack sparrow loved rum so fucking much
As long as you don't die I'm in full support of your drinking decisions
Let's play a little game of "Last Night Never Happened"
do you think its obvious that we spent all afternoon playing naked body oil twister?
I need you to do me a favor and hide my sword from me tonight. I'm planning on drinking my weight in vodka and I don't trust myself enough to not run through campus screaming "I AM SPARTA!" You'll be saving me a mugshot as well as saving some innocent girls from tears.
No. I just want to cuddle and talk about our feeling. Of course this a booty call.
I'll just tell your children you were the queen of drunk town and you had a giant purple monkey named bongo
How do I respond to this?! It's not easy to say "you're hot & the sex was good, but outside the bedroom you scare me"
I will not get drunk on our first date. I will not get drunk on our first date. I will not get drunk on our first date.
My butthole probably tastes like a Cinnabon right now
while on the topic of showers...why is there apple juice in our bathtub?
She is still drunk from the night before, sitting here eating KFC mashed potatoes and drinking Arbor Mist before Anatomy lab.
hopefully I won't be diving through a thorn bush to escape an explosion this time
Randomize
