How can something that makes you feel so good one day make you feel so bad the next?
Alcohol?
Sex with a fat chick.
she was a 2....and a legitimate 2. like, helen keller is a 1, this girl...2.
I forgot it was 4/20. that COMPLETELY explains the 7/11. i was like "that's a lot of white dudes... and they're really into snacking."
just realized we made a drinking game to how many times they say "hakuna matata" in the lion king last night... hello sophomore year.
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I woke up with my keys safelty pinned to my thong. It's gonna be a great day.
He fell asleep in the strip club and they paid some stripper $20 to sit on his face until he woke up.
So you used a whole package of smoked meat last night. Didn't eat it, just took it out and put it all over the fridge.
How was your weekend?
The sex was so good. It hurts to exist.
Beer pong consisted of me throwing a ball at the wall and then falling over because moving my arm made me dizzy. I think our team lost.
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I dont know about you but I'm not getting out of bed this summer for anything but food or sex
4 girls from the bar, me, strip basketball. here. NOW
I almost had sex at the fire station last night and I need you to acknowledge all the awesomeness that is in that sentence.
The moment when you go to plug in someone else's phone in your car and your lube is in the way. Don't mind that it's just my center console car lube. Normal.
I just poured two shots of fireball into my Rapunzel mug I love finals.
So chicken strips and confidence do not you make you sober.
Randomize