i wonder what megan fox's vagina feels like.
Heaven soaked bacon.
MY DAD AND I ARE ON OUR WAY OUT OF FLORENCE AND I JUST SAW A MAN AT A BUS STOP WITH A GIMP HAND SLAP HIS DAUGHTER ACROSS THE FACE WITH IT.
That's a really weird place to spoon. Especially if there are more accessible places to spoon. Like a bathtub.
I'm beginning to think I'm sterile because I definitely should be pregnant by now.
He tried to say "god bless your heart" to the stripper but it came out "god bless your pussy"
you were cooking a hot pocket with a grill lighter what did you want me to do
it's 2:30 on a sunday and I just won a wine chugging contest. I'm never graduating.
His dad asked what he was doing so he texted his FATHER a picture of me wearing his shirt in his bed.
I woke up in a sink... Not like curled up on top of it though. I was standing, bent over, face first. IN THE DAMN SINK.
Why are your underwear on my dining room table?
There is always the bar, but 2 30 on a Tuesday just screams alcoholism
He tried to tip me with his police badge...
and you didn't accept WHY?!
Do you think I'm short enough to dress up in a ghost costume and go trick or treating and have people believe that I'm actually a child?
This is stupid. I am not getting knocked up from fucking in his backseat behind a starbucks. I refuse.
Pussy, Peanut Butter Cookies,and Bubble Wrap
Randomize
