I considered driving home in his mom's bathrobe until i realized i'd have to stop to buy cigarettes
I knew her barely 30 minutes before we got naked. This whole fraternity thing is starting to grow on me...
You were throwing ham at people telling them you were the sandwhich fairy
Is it bad that I see a party full of girls I know he has fucked as a challenge for me to be the one who ends up in his bed?
Someone asked me why we were having sex on the porch last night. All I remember is him saying he wanted the recruits to see. This has got to stop.
The cops just showed up and arrested her. It's our 2nd date. Do I have to hang out her with her 3 kids until she makes bail or can I leave?
Tried to ride the mechanical bull pants less, got punched for making out with some lesbians wife, and you tipped the bartender with a can of skoal.
I regret nothing
There seems no grander way to celebrate 420 than to smoke atop a mountain peak.
Meh. People are people bro. All of us are hairless psychotic apes. Happy 420.
When you are old and getting humped by saggy balls every other weekend you are gonna wish you had more sex with freshly legal boys. Your vagina will thank you one day. Don't let her down.
Testing the emergency boobs hotline
You poured a bottle of water into the salad bowl and said "bowls are a joke" and then poured it into your lap.
I fucked his roommate. And that roommate's best friend. And my roommate. And my roommate's old roommate.
i'm bowing down, but slow your roll.
Unexpected pro of the hostel though: literally down the street from Coors Field. I could literally fart on the building in five minutes.
Let's get this straight. I am six fucking feet tall. Do you even understand how limited my options in guys to date are? No. Did you see my last three boyfriends? I looked like a fucking giant next to them. So I will fuck this six-foot-seven Italian model even if I am the ugliest girl at this party because, goddammit, I deserve to.
Randomize
