I found the TV remote. It was in the washing machine along with the chicken wings you kept complaining to Domino's about that they 'never delivered'
My boss just called me into his office to apologize for being an "inadvertant cockblock"
we've already established he's totally wasted. but now he's just sitting at his computer, doing i don't know what, and he keeps saying "dammmn girl" in a really low whisper
i dont think the girl sending me nudes is qualified to pass judgement on me
Banging bitches in a bar bathroom is not legit as it was in college, there are no fistpumps afterward only shame
Its funny how you denied every part of the text except " you hate fat ppl"
A baby just go on our party bus. What. The. Fuck.
So the next three days will be henceforth known as the 'celebration of the end of the most irresponsible years of my life' be prepared to wake up naked in a ditch.
I'm a hopeless romantic that likes rough sex. Judge me
So we came to a decision, you need to fuck your hot roommate and send us pictures. We voted, so don't hate the democracy this great country stands for
I just smoked by myself in my childhood bedroom, how happy does it seem I am to be home for Christmas?
I think I'm actually too depressed to do drugs, wow.
I'm that daughter that had to send her mother "DON'T GET SHITFACED" & yes, in ALL CAPS.
They call you PBJ boy because you were trying to seduce me with pieces of a peanut butter and jelly sandwich. Successfully might I add.
condom fairy costume came in handy...we were making out in my living room and he wanted it so i took a condom off the costume and we did it right there...with my tutu still on....
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