We're pre-gaming then going to chuck e cheese's.
If you're joking I'm going to be sad
Was just shown the photos from a professional photoshoot my aunt had for their dog...not drunk enough for this...
Buying $100 worth of beef jerkey sounded like a terrific idea last night.
Santa was walking around downtown handing out stuff at the bars. He gave me a free eyebrow wax. I think he's trying to tell me something
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
That's cool. At least the punch line of my story isn't I shit in a booth at Denny's.
Did you get any last night. I need to track my forever aloneness
Are you alive?
I googled "I don't want to vomit anymore," and "how to rip out your uvula," at 9 am this morning, but I'm still here. Uvula and all.
she was trying to use her iTranslate app while we were having sex.
It feels like you stuck your dick in a fire and then branded the inside of me.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Fell asleep with Kristen and woke up with Sarah. It's official, vacation has begun.
I woke up covered in thousand island dressing. I need answers.
I caught myself caressing my own hand while nurturing a glass of bourbon. I think it's time to get back out there.
I missed you last night. I'm sure he will never forget the night i sang my heart will go on into his penis like a microphone
I think I recall josh coming in to the room to tuck us in and give us a few condoms and I threw them back all furious and told him 'we don't use those.' Oh god
The hump and dump is a beautiful thing
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