i was just outside smoking and i saw a hooker sing "i wish i knew who your daddy was" to her new born baby. someone explain to me why i ever left chicago to go to college...
i just carried on a conversation with my mother from another room mid-ejaculation. you would have done the same
you told him you liked to chip your nail polish to look like different countries. im gonna guess that no, you didn't sleep with him.
The only piece of furniture in the apartment is a wine rack.
Who's got a bloodstream full of margaritas by 2pm? Not you, that's for sure, because you've got one of those "real" jobs.
I want something that's relevant to him banging her right after I did. Like "runner-up"
He gets a blow job; I get my oil changed free of charge. And that way I only see him every 2500 miles.
She said my new name was "ranch" because I "looked delicious"
I just sneezed weed. Kinda wanna try to smoke it.
From what I can tell at a cursory glance, it seems that last night I fell asleep on string cheese and it melted into my bra.
I'm pleased to know that your mom refers to me as "the ass piliager" now
I walked into my house with my pants inside out, no shoes and a limp. My mom asked me if I had fun but I passed out before I could reply...
He's gonna do me a solid for doing her a solid. It's like pay it foward. But with sex.
I was so drunk I asked my mom if she had always been my mom or if it was someone else for a while
Oh and sorry for almost killing all of us last night... twice...
Randomize
