we both passed out while playing beer pong, woke up in the morning and continued to play coffee pong to cure our hangovers
shotgunning a bud heavy is like shotgunning a turkey sandwich
I'm thinking of having one or both of my boobs out. They're small but they're mighty.
i just saw a white kid with an afro using a martini shaker as a coffee thermos. go college.
Christmas on farmville was waaaaay better than my actual Christmas.
just paid a stripper to have a minute conversation about the arizona game WTF
i have one question about last night
if this is about your fridge being filled with hotdogs, sour cream, and PB&J open-faced sandwiches, i can explain
He did not want a thank you for helping me move in bj. I don't know how to thank him now.
he asked my vagina if she was excited to meet Leonard. LEONARD. His fuckin penis is named Leonard.
We were in the shower and he sat down an wouldn't do anything. I'm so glad he manscapes. It made washing his balls less awkward.
WHY. COME BACK. TRAPPED WITH ROOMMATE AND FALCON. SAVE ME. I HAVE HUMMUS.
I want to wear something that says I'm a lady (but I have condoms!)
He set two of my ex boyfriends on fire at two different bars without anyone knowing it was him or how it happened either time. He might be a fucking super hero
I mean, they were small fires and no one got hurt, but still. Awesome.
Sometimes you just gotta fuck a has been local celebrity for your 15 minutes.
We just don't discuss our relationships. It's pretty much like we're single no matter what to each other. And I'm okay with that. ¯\\(ツ)/¯
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