Well listen chief - never again do i want the scenario of going to the ER totally naked and partially drunk to b a possibility.
I seriously need 2 stop fake jacking off in peoples faces at work...the I.T. Guy just showed me the security surveillance tapes.
you broke into my aparment at three in the morning wearing long johns and offered me beer.
just masturbated through my pocket at the library. hope you're enjoying your saturday night out.
You kept excitedly announcing to the bar what time it was. Followed by an equally excited "Clock language still makes sense!"
No matter what you may say to me. You will still be the guy that managed to get his own cum in his hair.
Just had to throw up on the floor of my car during traffic on the way to work. Car next to me saw both times. Found the downside to having a job right after graduation.
There are parrots here and they're headbanging to the music. There's also a clown and a pit bull that can jump onto tables. Too high for this shit.
I never thought the first time a taser would be used on me would be at an applebees
I could just tape a camera with a live feed to my head & you could check in on me from time to time
Is there a particular reason why everyone is now calling you Butt Doctor?
For our 1st date, he tried to schedule a rock climbing. I suggested, "how about we meet at my place and you can scale Mt. Vagina?"
She tried to subtly measure me, but I noticed. She told me I barely made the cut otherwise there would have been just a handshake as a parting gift.
I can't go to the bars anymore. She wanted to see me again and I drunkenly told her I was moving today. If she spots me I'm fucked.
Man, coughing on your period is like the biggest gamble a girl can make.
Randomize
