Did you know that cab drivers don't take quarters for payment? They don't even like it when you ask.
Weird question, would you want to do fetish porn? you get paid.
Saddest moment ever is discovering when your cat no longer wants to get high with you.
I'm doing this for my boobs. They miss him.
Beautiful fucking linguistics Shakespeare, but youre still not doing that to my face
I've had balls on my face twice in last 48 hours and I STILL haven't got laid!
we're a generation of lazy underachieving stoners and uncreative overachieving automatons. you're golden
I told him not to mix beer with his Dr. Pepper...his reply was "i'm a grown ass man i'll do what i want". Judging by the sounds coming out of the bathroom he regrets not listening to me.
As soon as the clock wound down to zero, she declared "HALF-TIME HEAD" and pulled down my pants. After the swallow, she said "BEER CHASER," got me a new one, and asked if she could make me a sandwich. Pretty sure she's lobbying hard for a ring.
I need five more minutes of sobbing.. AND THEN I will get back to studying
I woke up this morning with a text from my mom as to why the hell random people were showing up at the house. Turns out nobody came to our house party because I gave them my old address, fuck pre-partying for real
Do you know that you can buy Cialis in Mexico? Best. Honeymoon. Ever.
Let’s try it, I’ve never had a bad time with sex, tacos and beer.
When I told the bartender it was my 21st birthday, he looked at me all pissed and said "But you've been drinking here as 21 for the past 2 years.." How do you THINK the night went?
So I take it free shots were a no after that?
I just woke up with a pair of handcuffs in my pants, can u explain this?
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