it was a shit show
We all have our days. But yours might be on the internet.
they could make at least 3 episode of "i shouldn't be alive" out of my weekend
We argued about the championship during sex. Absolutely the manliest moment of my life.
Just remembered to take my BC at the liquor store. Just swallowed it with a free sample of Whiskey.
He has crabs, not bed bugs. I recommend incoporating a clinic on this mornings walk of shame route.
If you hit me with your dick and make light saber noises we are breaking up. I don't care if it's your birthday, you are not a sex Jedi.
So is singing the star wars theme as I put the condom on off limits?
We need to be on the same page regarding the 3some this time. No more "one of us should probably leave" moments.
Oh wow. I almost tweeted #TweetFromTheBackOfACopCarTuesday but I didn't think it was that appropriate
Please assure him that the flying penis statue is for display purposes only.
She had her pubic hair down there shaved into the superman s............. Best one night stand ever.
I think my dove chocolate wrapper just told me to masturbate.
I wish I could have a tequila IV with me all the time. Intravenous tequila intoxication.
I just want somebody who'll randomly bring me pizza and lovingly squeeze my butt. Is there a dating app for that, do you think?
He went in for a kiss so I shook his hand instead.
Don’t be alarmed my pee bowl is in your shower
Randomize
