farters have to be the big spoon...
we couldnt tell if he was gay so we started working glee quotes into the conversation to see if he noticed.
Drunkenly auctioned off my bed for 3 tequila shots
my stepmom is let-the-dog-eat-out-of-her-mouth drunk. oh my god.
Well on the plus side I have started adding benefiber to my bottle of wine
Unless you've also woken up wearing a poncho and a ring pop, I suggest you don't judge me. Okay, I even judged myself for that.
Was it you who made out with a toothless guy last night?
Just picked up an ounce of keif and if it goes to waste before the world ends I'm gonna haunt the shit out of somebody when we all die.
I poured somre cereal, realized the chocolate to flake ratio was off, tried to fix it by digging through the box, gave up because of the difficulty level, and poured it back in the box. Being high is the best diet.
You just referred to a pillow with a stolen bra strapped to it as "she". Let that sink in for a minute.
My new successful method of booty calling is sending a screencap of a map with the shortest route from their location to mine highlighted.
So I have to borrow my moms car tomorrow to go pick up my ID from the strip club so I can board my plane tomorrow
Passing out drunk in my therapists lobby may not be the best way to confirm my "stability"
I think we should have a sex position advent calendar
I hear my roommate snoring and I feel bad for his girlfriend but then I hear them having sex and I guess it all works out in the end.
Randomize
