Im holding a competition......who saw me last, and who knows how my nose got bruised? you earn points for answering either question. and for bringing me water.
I'm glad I have good healthy relationships with my one night stands
Something about a hand job in a car doesn't scream girlfriend
its official. the only way for my hair to look good is to blow somebody
Sorry we're taking so long, this weed cake tastes amazing with Tabasco sauce on it.
For once I want to have sex without having to google the after effects of it.
Mid stroke she told me she'd had bigger. Replied I could tell. Sex ended right at that moment.
No! Last time I got hit with a beer bottle
Haha, Tuesday man
I just found out that my husband and I are Eskimo siblings. What in the actual fuck?!
I'm sure there are thousands getting dick today in the name of independence
He was playing minecraft so I took a shower with my vibrator
After all this I still can't spell gonorrhoea without autocorrect
Being home for break is weird, just had a full convo with my dad about what I wanted for dinner, while a dildo was on top of me under my comforter
But actually he solved 40% of my life problems just in one dicking
just found a joint on the street in downtown. smoked it with the hot guy from my chem class
WHAT IS UP WITH YOU SMOKING/ DRINKING THINGS OFF THE GROUND?
Randomize
