it doesn't get any better than taco bell and soft core porn
Jake was my 1st thought but I seriously thought u already did him... & then there's the getting the clap story... so I settled on Ben for my guess.
I have done Jake, not Ben. But this was fresh meat. And P.S. it was ghonnerea.
Ahh, yes. It's apparently too early in the morning to keep your partners and their std's straight.
thats the sluttiest christmas spirit ever.
Why do i even want him? It's like his dick is a trophy and I need to put it on my wall of shame.
Well, I looked over and you and him were each making out with a fireman. And then you switched. And you probably spent an hour like that.
I'm not sure if it was the 11 shots or your naturally vibrant personality but I recall you being quite noisy that evening
I was like a damn cattle dog, I separated all the sheep, I can wing man for anyone on this campus.
I see your creepy poodle photo and raise you a shirtless elderly gentleman who looks like a yetti in cutoffs who may or may not have an ENORMOUS erection.
.... touche....
I'm so stoned I just sat here for like at least 45 min thinking about how I would get some jack in the box tacos if only I knew where my wallet was and then I kind of blinked and finally noticed I had literally been staring at my wallet the ENTIRE fucking time
I woke up to a shattered My Little Pony garbage pail, a black eye I don't know how I got and no one will look me in the face. Fuck tequila.
How is your new roommate working out
We are drinking at the laundromat. And will probably have sex later. So...pretty good.
It's 11:50 on Friday the 13th. There's a full moon. AND the bride to be just puked on herself while getting a lap dance from a stripper named...wait for it....LUCKY. Is this real life?
He told me their parents think of me as the "drunk friend"...oddly enough, I'm ok with that
I kinda just want to steal him and keep him forever
Having a bangable neighbor is going to ruin my booty call game. I refuse to go across town for dick now
Randomize
