oh there is nothing like the 1st beerbong of the school year
He was probably pissed, but i couldn't tell for sure. How pissed can someone really look while holding a fishbowl mimosa?
I told her that if she blew me I would give her the empty pizza box in the fridge.... Why did she agree?
I'm so prepared to puke on walk of shame tomorrow that I'm putting a toothbrush and toothpaste in my purse the night before. And to think, my dad thought I wouldn't make it in college.
Hey, this is a mass text. I have a hospital bill from November, and I don't know from what. Did anyone bring me to the hospital on a drunken night that I don't remember...?
And suddenly....Tubas. Tubas everywhere.
Also, I'm kinda hungover this morning and I need to wire money to my lawyer. So this is what adulthood feels like
He kept saying I needed to go to the hospital and it just made me want to call him a pussy so I went to bed
It's all fun and games until you rupture a testicle
Actually, I may scrap this entire plan. I just realized that I had sex with a guy with his own whiskey commercial.
He's hot....knda sweaty, drunk smells like feet....but he's hung like a whale....so in other words totally your type
I can't believe I'm coordinating a threesome at work. My productivity is at an all time low.
You put THAT much Jager in me and expect me to realize when things are a bad idea?
the cop found his r2d2 bong and asked me if i ever smoked out of him. i'm like, no sir. he's like ahh. if i were to smoke, it'd definitely be out of some star wars character.
easily made my night.
The cl.oudds are foaming a really big pen.Is OMG.
Randomize
