Most awkward sex ever...
And im texting you in the middle.
so while we were having sex, he stuck it in my but, and when he finished he goes next time can we have anal. i don't know if that means im tight or my butt hole is loose, i choose to think the first one
I just set a weed brownie on fire in the microwave.
Successful day.
I'm currently trying to figure out how I woke up naked and handcuffed to my bed. Not real worried about class right now.
can you explain why there is a dead rabbit in my front seat?
idk, I had a turtle in mine.
I don't remember him, but he's saved in my phone as "uh oh zbt"
I just found a thank you note I apparently wrote to my bed last night for letting me borrow the comforter.
Which is worse rug burn on your nipples or laying there after wondering how long you have to cuddle before you can sneak away?
So a sorority girl just introduced herself to me by saying "a guy I used to fuck just threw up on me" and then she grinded on me
Please root for the ravens. I now have oral sex riding on this and it's been sooooo long
Dude. I've been high for so many hours now that I'm just accepting this as my new reality.
I feel like it should at least be like a "hey look I'm actually fine that I drunkenly gave you my virginity!" friend request.
If I don't get struck by a lightning bolt from God by midnight it will be a Christmas miracle.
Also I will be receiving my own bra in the mail because I left it at his place, woops
He graduated. He’s not my GA anymore. He’s just the 24 year old that’s helping me put a sexless marriage in the rear view mirror by exploring the Kama sutra with me
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