3 st and 6 ave. One dollar pitchers. Look out world.
It was at that moment that I realized I was alone. Alone and drunk on an Epcot ride.
When that rick ross song came on he started ripping up dollar bills and pouring out drinks on the floor. I'm all for ignorance but it was a little excessive for a wedding
The amount I want to die right now is not proportionate to the level of fun I had last night. Not fair.
This taco party has no tacos, just a hot asian guy in booty shorts. We were lied to.
On a totally unrelated note, captain four hour sexcapades lost it in his boxers this morning and tried to pretend it didnt happen. Lmao
Peeling duct tape off of my dick is definitely one of the stranger sensations that I've experienced.
Just drove by where I lost my sausage gravy virginity
She complimented my boobs and then told me I smelled like teddy bears before falling asleep on the floor.
Apparently at some point last night someone gave me tequila. There was a few shots left when I woke up so that was breakfast. This is a good birthday
She told me she was the Publishers Clearing House of Dicks. Two dicks a day, everyday for life.
i'm sitting in bed scratching my boobs and wearing a sparkly fedora and have no one to blame but myself
If I don't get alcohol poisoning from tonight I don't think i ever will.
When God closes one door, he opens up a taller, smarter, more successful door, with a bigger cock and nicer teeth.
Jesus better clutch that motherfucking wheel, then.
I'M NOT PUTTING MY TRUST IN JESUS! I'M PUTTING MY TRUST IN YOU!
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