I just walked into the kitchen and my dad was having this uber serious convo
With himself
i threw up in a trash can last night at kellys irish times. but in a trash can because i'm a lady
What are these yellow papers in the kitchen?
These are the tickets we got last night.
Did i sign this one as Grizzly Bear?
Yes...yes you did.
The good news is the bleeding stopped. I think I'm going to sober up before I tell you the bad news though.
blah blah blah they called me an alcoholic because I threw my beer at a Jesus freak. it was for the best
Carpe scrotum. Grab life by the balls.
i woke up to something itchy on my head. it was his mustache. he fell asleep face-plant style on the side of my head. WTF?
I just want you to know that we eye fucked the shit out of someone who just got drafted
I sincerely hope you find your fuck buddy and have a wonderful night of champagne and whores
Just want to let you know thanks for setting the bar pretty low when it comes to girls.
I'm wearing fairy wings and I broke my wizard staff. If this isn't the most happy but sad moment of my life , I don't know what is.
I need a genital shamwow being this wet.
Best and worst whiskey dick ever. I am hungover and can't move from the hours of sex, he on the other hand has a raw bruised dick. I win.
I am dancing alone in my bathroom because I was paranoid the neighbors were watching through the windows
I am eating croutons on my bathroom floor. Are you happy?!
Randomize
