i ordered 12 mcnuggets at mcdonalds and ended up getting 20. for free. miracles really do happen when your high.
After skinny dipping in your pond, I think me and tequila have added a whole new dynamic to our relationship.
I hope that he knows just because i pissed in his bed doesn't mean were together.
If I was there, I'd make you a vicodin spiked sandwich.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Jesus christ how hard is BRING SNACKS AND DRUGS to interpret? I trust your judgement on this one.
nothing worse than walking out of class after 3 hours and having covered exactly zero information
walking out with herpes. that would be worse
This is most sickening thing I've ever seen, and I threw up my body weight in jello shots on my birthday.
Can you get the drug form of snow for the blizzard this weekend?
It's really funny to see the look on the sales lady's face when she asks why you're replacing a painting. "I knocked it off the wall during sex w/ my heels," wasn't what she expected.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I fell on my face, puked, and had to be rocked to sleep in a hammock. I'd say Europe is a success
He just walked in the house and decided to wake everyone up by yelling "I SHIT MYSELF!" We all thought he was joking....we were all wrong.
You dropped a beer and it was like when wilson floated away. Complete with sobbing apologies
Shit, no womder she didn't wanna fuck me
I woke up with a dread of barbecue sauce in my hair. Drunk munchies makes me a disgusting person.
Nothing like introducing yourself to your high school boyfriend's wife as "the girl who took his virginity"
Listen, you eat the donut. I eat you out. Everybody wins.
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