Our Neighbors are trying to steal our ducks!
I have eleven tally marks and an infinity sign drawn on my wrist in permanent marker. Senior bar crawl stole my liver.
Registered sex offender is the model in class today.... There are too many things wrong with him getting naked in front of a lot of college students.
Like some sort of pot growing robin hood.
Every man needs a table where they can sit and reflect on the successful penile conquests of the day.
We had sex on the beach. I was completely naked except for my sneakers. That's when you know
Is cat milk safe for human consumption?
You don't understand. There's baclava and there's post sex baclava. You can't compare the two.
I wish they would just make alcoholic protein shakes already.
Timehop reminded me that 4 years ago today I helped a one armed man do the YMCA by being his other arm.
I apologize that you just fell victim to my random thought of how to make a blow job come to life via emojis.
You know, this is NOT how I pictured my life would be when I was younger, and yet here we are.
I AM SMARTER THAN EVERY FUCKBOY WHO HAS EVER SWIPED LEFT ON ME
You look wasted in ALL of the pictures I just saw you in.
That can't be good for your liver!
Thanks for caring mom.
anything below 65° is too cold to be naked on a roof
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