3:12 am: but i thought i was coming over tonight, don't fall asleep i wore new underwear
I would go down on you faster than GM stock
I just decorated my birth control case with Lisa Frank stickers. If that doesn't scream 'I'm not ready for babies' I don't know what does.
Here. I am here. I do not know where here is but it includes condom balloons, a keg castle, and a shaved goat. Do not find me...I am in post blackout heaven.
He just texted me from the outside of the hospital. He called the fat broad in the bar mrs snuffleupagus about 60 times and she broke a bottle of blackberry brandy over his head.
Yes, you can 69 in a fiat. But I think I have permanent nerve damage
I have Denny's hours of operations written on the palm of my hand....not in my writing, in a girls writing, is that as good as or equal to a cell number?
Ice skating? Did you see me last night? I don't even know where my socks are
Dont worry about getting me anything... Just put a bow on your ass.
Deal.
IM A SHIT SUOW THE GUYS AT THE PMACR TOLD ME AJDBO I WEBF RO WALNARY WITH OU SHOES! I WASHT LLOWES FLOWERSA
I left her alone for a few minutes and she's already using a guy on his hands and knees as a chair while another guy is serving her margaritas.
She ordered an O'douls. That was the end of that date
I haven't gotten this high alone in a long time. I keep looking at the cat waiting for her to say something.
When the nurses wouldn't let him smoke in the hospital he decided to just roll around on the floor.
I am really drunk and also a zombie.
Randomize
