I'm retiring my vagina. Better yet I'm Farve-ing it.
Def the best call fo sho
That way it can come out of retirement anytime and play for different teams. And it can wear Wranglers.
Went home with a guy 2 " his house". Woke up this morn on couch to parents cooking breakfast, piss all over my back and he is no where to be found. That fuckr pissed on me and bounced. His parents are gonna think some drunk bitch pissed their couch.
you called to congratulate me on being the reason you lost never have i ever
the cool security guard showed me the video clip of how i sat criss-cross-applesauce on the elevator for 20 minutes last night
Waiting outside the STD clinic 30 min before it opens already in a line up. It's like were all waiting for a concert that no ones really pumped for
I was topless in his bathroom sink taking bong rips , goodmorning . He told me he could get use to this
We all just did coke and we're coloring so if you're sober its pointless for you to come over here
But I wanna cuddle and just put my hand awkwardly close to your penis area by accident and look at you
I feel like if tampons weren't meant to be microwaved, they'd have a warning on the box, so we should be okay...
I dreampt that we were shooting zombies while we having sex. Is that normal?
Just delivered a pizza to a holiday inn and a delivery driver from Me n Ed's walked up at the same time, we both were going to the same floor so we stood in the elevator making small talk about delivery stuff, but a small part of me wanted to deck him, stand over him and shout,"FOR THE HUT MOTHERFUCKER, FOR THE HUT!"
Jesus christ, don't start a pizza delivery gang war.
So none of you told me my tits were popping out of my shirt for three hours?
We told you. Repeatedly. You said you made it look good.
Had a dream I was doing scat with Caroline. I need to lay off the cheese at night
I was pretty pissed in the morning when I realized he had fucked the fake tattoo right off my chest.
How's work going?
Boring. I have a cat on a leash right now
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