So i just bought beer on a credit card, using a fake ID, while wearing my nametag from work. All 3 have different names on them. God i love my boobs.
well, i woke up this morning to a note i left myself my dry erase board, "dear you: i had sex with someone awful."
Europeans suck. I just gave him head and somehow i am the one paying for the coffee
I also have a full keg. I'm thinking about crashing a party, they can't get mad if I bring a keg of beer.
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if creating a fake 8 year old brother, who lives with me and has had mono for the past month, to explain why I have ignored my group project members is wrong, then I... well then I'm probably going to hell
I'm happily sitting on the toilet cause I'm too tired to move. I'm considering making this my permanent residence. It has a lot to offer.
We found you facedown on his couch in a pile of cheerios, with only one shoe on. Dude you said you were staying in last night.
I don't remember how I broke my nose last night, but I woke up with dried blood everywhere. Also, you should tell that guy how you feel.
On the plus side, I know I'm allergic to latex now. Like really fucking allergic
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You just accidentally called me. You kept saying "Really?! Really?!!" So I can only assume you are having sub par sex
My butthole probably tastes like a Cinnabon right now
Are you seriously getting this frustrated over a hand-job right now?
He held my hair while I gave him a blow job. Now that's teamwork.
Keep your fingers crossed. If I get to go to a Stanley Cup game I'll give you the blowjob he deserves for taking me. Because hes definitely not gettin it.
it will be a surprise...all I can say is stripper clown.
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