Someone told me they could tell we were from cincinnati because we say "as fuck" after adjectives
It's impossible to flirt with the bank tellers because they see how broke I am.
This weekend was suppose to be a 'smoke weed and stare at things' weekend. Not a 'spend all my rent money partying with Europeans till 8 am' weekend
Yeah but those French chicks did get naked
Trick or treaters just rang our doorbell
Give them the moldy beer cans, we need to get rid of those
So I found "Fat chicks in saran wrap" in my search history.
That's all you talk about when you are wasted.
Cats found the secret coke stash again
They owe us $80.
We have six bottles of wine and we are at target buying baby oil to grease up the sleds with, just in case you're interested.
Her boobs felt like beanie babies from heaven
I tried to find the bar, ended up at a car dealership. Then the alarms went off.
Before we rave about the healing powers of your penis, remember it nearly killed me as well.
I bought left over pizza from a guy on Craigslist.
Please tell me that I didn't call you to say I was swimming in outter space
Went to go look for a friend that was missing since 3am, found her passed out in the hallway of the apartment, guessing it was a good night
I got a discount on the lube for giving the cashier focaccia bread from work.
Im so fucked up I'm drinking baileys and coffee just to stay awake.
It's 6 in the afternoon?
Randomize
