it seems that i get a boner from just about everything now
You went to church with your boobs hanging out?
Theyr'e a gift from god, I figured I should show him i'm using them well.
Well I woke up with a note on me reading Dear Passed Out Girl, and ending with why I shouldn't drink so much. Damn Tequilla.
I feel like college is just one giant drunken trip to Taco Bell
According to the stories I've heard I decided I was a stuntman after my 6th shot of Jack
He put used condom on the handle of the plunger in the bathroom.
I made a blanket fort and am drinking Gatorade and eating donuts watching 500 days of summer. I can't keep spending my saturdays like this.
Its bad when you wake up with a penis drawn on your face. Its worse when you find out its traced..
Hypothetical question. Say I was bleeding profusely, close to your house, and needed a place to go to clean up and perform minor surgery on myself. Like now.
why can't I meet attractive men at the places I like to hang out? like books a million. or the liquor store.
Pretty sure I was impersonating Rihanna when I kept asking him what my name was while we were making out
if i do community service solely to impress a guy, everyone wins, right?
except your soul
Giving the guy pizza was a good idea. Leaving him naked on the pool table makes you my hero
Had the best sex Thursday night then Friday night I met his girlfriend. The worst thing is we became friends like she gave me her number.
I haven't lost it. I know I'm not a prophet. It was a joke.
After the edible you claimed you were talking to my cat. We're in our 30s now, what was once cute is now a liability.
Randomize
