I wish I could still say I don't know that you taste like bad ice cream.
I told her I was team Edward. I haven't gotten laid that easy since I told your sister that I had cancer
i woke up with a wedding ring drawn on my finger...if this was vegas id be worried
Not only is it unacceptable to be bar hopping alone at 5 o'clock. It is definitely unacceptable to do so with a lobster
You just said we could build a blanket and pillow "fuck fort." Of course I'm never leaving you.
bad sex. bad bad bad. it was like trying to pick up an overcooked noodle with an empty pringles can. why do these guys always seem to find me?
He leaned over in the middle of the movie and said "My dick's name is Juan". WHO DOES THAT?
You just squeezed a person out of you and I'm drunks at 2PM. Our lives got traded and you know it and you're jealous.
I cut myself stripping on your car. Probably a profession I shouldn't pursue
So worth it. Come over for bacon egg cheese vusquit later. 12. I slept with Jimmy? On my period? And told him he had mother issues? No tequila. Tequila bad.
HE STARTED HUMMING THE THEME TO STAR WARS!! WHILE I'M SUCKING HIS DICK!!
Well the streak is over, I saw a penis today
I'm torn between wanting to wear lipstick and wanting to make out with strangers.
He said my vagina smelled like pomegranates. Its like my vagina is the fountain of youth.
You threw a beachball full of vodka at me and yelled I CHOOSE YOU then ran
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