I overheard a kid saying to his mom at Walmart: "Mommy.. should we buy cups for daddy's spit?"
On a list of weird places to get a bj, how weird is in the basement of a pharmacy
i just woke up to 15 people singing a whole new world
we're going to dress like we're asking for it, because we are
i jus dunped the rest of my drink down the sink and tool my bra off. pretty sure this is the best decision for everybody.
so i say "rick dont build that sandcastle" and he "says ok i wont" then i wake up and its sandcastle fucking city all over my apartment
Whoevers house this is has only beer and cream cheese in the fridge. Thats the diet im gonna go on
Please tell me why your entire hallway smells like microwaved condoms.
She makes walking on a treadmill look like a porno. I wish I could send over shots as an ice breaker.
That's effing brilliant. We should start a business.
I can't tell whether I'm a) still hungover from two nights ago, b) legitimately sick or c) all of the above... multiple choice was never my forte
stef broke her leg trying to vault over the coffee table. these olympics drinking games are going to fucking kill us
YOU ARE THE WORST TRAVEL AGENT! THIS IS A SINGLES CRUSE FOR SENIORS. THEY ALL THINK IM THE FUCKING WAITRESS JUST CAUSE IM BLACK!!!
Um that's okay I got up on the table at IHOP and terrorized the entire restaurant for a phone charger after I stole the whip cream from the kitchen and started eating it out the can
Gotta love college... Pregamed for my 8:30 flight home this morning and gave the flight attendants all high fives when I got on the plane. Best ride of my life.
Jenna is yelling bc of the condom wrappers and cum stains. This is the 3rd and last time you have sex in my roommates bed.
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