you know that annoying kid in my psych class? accidentally hit him in the face with a door today. perfect end to the semester.
we fucked while he was on the clock. He didnt even take off his bullet proof vest. Dont tell me thats not bad ass.
God gave him joint rollers for hands
3 things. 1. is this real life 2. my liver hates me 3. keg race tonight
Your never gonna wash that desperation outta that sweatshirt you know.
at wine tasting. Can i cleanse my Palate with a frito?
We're all getting matching jack daniels tattoos. We're gonna be an alcoholic gang of awesome.
Sometimes I'm jealous of turtles because they can just go to their homes whenever they want by putting their heads in their bodies.
How high are you?
Opened my purse to realize I have someone else's birth certificate. What happens to me in college?
What I do when I'm blackout drunk is none of my business.
That was the night, like, my hair caught on fire...
In the liquor store when a straight girl and a gay guy were just arguing about who hooked up with the same guy first.
holy shit I just remembered that story I told about Tom hanks going bowling while high.
He showed up at 1:10AM covered in mud and vomit, wearing a headband that said victory in Japanese. I WANT PICS.
I feel like i'm being yelled at when you type in all caps.Did you just have bad sex?
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