So when exactly did I get naked and makeout with the statue?
What time are you coming? Can you stop and get mouse traps and trojans?
You have mice?
no why?
Just found out my drug dealer is also a porn star. It's a good day.
I am growing concerned with the number of people here in cowboy hats
Oh my god, I hid a wine bottle in my boot.
No. Do you know how much this carpet cost? If she comes over, you put down towels this time. i'm so not kidding.
if youre pregnant and ruin my spring break i'll never forgive you.
I should have considered my snorting capabilities before breaking my nose
We fucked in his mom's shower and all I could think about was being too old to be sneak banging while someone's mom was out of town and how much mildew was on the shower curtain. Fuck you, Adulthood.
Ok. So let me get this straight. She treats her vagina like a clown car, yet judges me for just making out with the guy that bought all of us shots?
I don't even fuck like that, he just happened to be in the right place at the right drunk.
If Anthony Weiner can get in trouble for sexting 2 or 3 girls I dunno how politicians will make it in 10 years.
Lol I would vote for a guy that is trying to be a senator that has a viral video of him motorboating a topless chick
I stepped in puke last night then washed it off my shoe with beer. Is there a grace period to respect before wearing them to class?
I would rather suck a dick or two than go there
Also I just took the BEST ass selfie of my adult life.... it's gonna be a good day haha
Randomize
