you dont seem to understand my overwhelming need to watch space jam right now
So Ive been fucking her for the past couple months and i just found our that my grandfather and her grandmother were fuck buddies for a while. I feel like this is a new awesome family tradition that skips a generation.
Man, just talk to her friend and help me out. Otherwise we go home alone
I'd rather jerk off with a hand full of bumble bees then talk to her
His daughter is our waitress. I left her a ten dollar 'I'm sorry I'm a whore and fucked your dad' tip...
I mean you can't really blame him. He's named after whiskey and I don't get along with pants.
Just purchased ketchup, body wash, and lube. Hope you're ready for the post-memorial-day-cookout-shower-anal.
Hey guy that stepped on my foot, don't slap my ass to apologize.
My internship group is made up of all freshman. Their enthusiasm for education and social interaction sickens me.
I think I just smoked a piece of your foot. Were u picking your feet by the weed?
It's like sexual waterboarding. You gave me sex so good I'm comparing it to torture. Jesus.
Was just messaged by someone in a Power Ranger suit on OkCupid... Figured you would approve
I nicknamed her "Jackhammer" for the way she gave me a handjob. My balls were in constant pain
She wanted to get out of there before you guys woke up so she wouldn't let me find my underwear. Lol So I apologize to whoever finds that in your room.
why is there glitter IN my vagina????
I'm not gonna plow a chick in front of her 14 year old brother....
Randomize
