Hey it's Austin.
I am not drunk enough for this conversation.
No, I was feeling sad because all of the other girls were like model-skinny. But then I remembered that I had big boobs and went to hit on their boyfriends.
trying to imitate man vs food after 12 shots doesnt mean youll get laid
You were pretty dunk by the time you introduced the vase as your best friend.
Crumbling up chips, putting them in salsa, eating with spoon. New level of stoner fatassery. Its so genius/delicous i'm not even ashamed
I would call you but I don't feel like these hands belong to me.
Tell him I'm the girl who was excited he spoke English. Then ask him where he picked me up from.
P.S. I just watched The Muppets. I feel like I just got a sadness enema.
the cops were hovering over him then shinned a flashlight to the floor above ours, then I realized that some fucker jumped from the third story.
fuck our hall.
Technically my penis started a fight tonight
I couldn't drown my sorrows in an ocean of jack daniels. They may have scuba gear.
Haha keeping the dream alive until Chinese New Year. I'm jobless with stitches in my face.
If only I could bank my drunk hookups for a sober IOU.
I planned out my poor life choices for the weekend.
Did i fall last night when u carried me home.
idk
OHHH yea you fell down the stairs face first
Randomize
